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Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 1 month ago

My boyfriend acts loyal and committed to me in front of his ex but then he's in all these weird groups on Facebook. what's the deal?

He broke up with his ex 7 months ago because she cheated.  He told me he will never ever get back with her. they were together nearly a decade he said and he said his feelings are completely gone from her.We got together in December and he's been talking about how much he loves me and how I'm his soulmate. Although he hasn't made us public on Facebook yet. And he's been showering me with kinds of attention and spending every weekend together. Calls me all the time on his lunch break at work talking about how much he misses him. In the beginning of our relationship it was very rocky and he seemed to get upset with me a lot and he even missed a very important surgery I had.. but I forgave him and took him back and he's been promising me the world. He is currently living at home but talking about how he wants us to get a place soon. I want to wait at least a year though until I feel more comfortable with him. We both are 37 and has kids from previous relationships. He seems not as close with his daughter as he is with his son though. I notice he never talks about his daughter and also is with his son talking about him... not sure if that is a red flag ? He said his daughter prefers her mom but Its still unsettling to me. He told me that his ex and him are friends still and that he tells her how happy he is and how in love he is.. I believe him with that because when I saw his phone he was talking about how happy we were..and he told her he was in love with me..

Update:

I caught him in a Facebook group posting " let me go back to simple basic p*** I'm not ready for great p*** great head lying potentially cheating p****" and then another post he wrote "she toxic af if she can have you dreaming about her head game and all she do is lie and cheat in real life."

Update 2:

He told me his ex was a narcissist and that she conned him but. he's still willing to be her friend.. and those statuses he posted I felt were disrespectful.. It's not cheating to write that.. but extremely disrespectful.. He told me it was just a joke and to stop taking Facebook literal...

7 Answers

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  • ?
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    You're all over the place so it's hard to follow your actual concern. If he shares minor children with his previous partner it's not like he can just disconnect from her completely. He's got obligations to that family he chose to create. You don't say what "weird groups" he's in on Facebook so no one here would know if that's a red flag or not. But yeah, when you've got kids with one woman you wouldn't put your status with a new woman on social media unless perhaps you were married to her and the kids were okay with it. So I wouldn't worry about that. Honestly it just sounds like this is a man trying regroup after a big breakup, trying to keep his kids' mental and emotional health in mind and perhaps jumping too quickly into a new relationship. Doesn't mean it might not work out to be a longterm thing. Just that for the moment it's got all the hallmarks of being a temporary rebound situation. 

  • 1 month ago

    They've only been broken up for 7 months and his children are still trying to adjust  to this incredible disruption in their lives. So is your boyfriend. I think "the deal" is that you magically want to believe that they are less important in his life than you are. If he has a sincere bone in his body.. that is not the truth of the reality. Even if he is trying to talk himself into pretending that it is. He can not promise you the world. He's still rocked from the destruction of his family. 

  • 1 month ago

    Still don't understand why you'd try to spin him as a good boyfriend/fiancé with all that he has done that should show you he isn't OVER his Ex? No matter how many times you ask, or how much you profess to love him, she has his heart. 

  • d j
    Lv 6
    1 month ago

    He's an empty talker.

    He pleases you with his lips. He may not be doing anything that he claims he does.

    He might be using you to prove to his ex that he has moved on and that his life is in order.

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  • donnie
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    If he is cheating dump him no trust and all this over Facebook FACEBOOK of all places 

  • i + i
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Again with this nonsense? How many 

    hours a day do you work on spinning 

    this stories? More importantly -- WHY?

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    I see a few red flags from what you've mentioned above, one being that you guys have only been together since december and he's already claiming that you're his soulmate? Seems a little too soon to be saying something like that but everyone is different not saying he doesn't feel that way just if it were me and my boyfriend said that after 3 months of dating I would be a bit concerned... as for moving in together I think it's smart holding off he might just be eager to move in to get away from home, he might not have a good relationship with his daughter because of the ex she may remind him of her or there is a lot of damage that he hasn't worked through and he may be resentful towards the daughter which I hope isn't the case but I would suggest don't rush anything and trust your gut if you get a feeling that this is all too much for you there is no shame in cutting ties cause that's a lot for some people to handle but you also must realize that someone getting out of a relationship with a narcissist there is a lot of damage that gets done to said person that he might not even realize has been done, I know this cause a family member went through it and she had no idea how much damage it truly had caused her after the relationship either way I hope things work out for you 

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