Yahoo Answers is shutting down on 4 May 2021 (Eastern Time) and, as of 20 April 2021 (Eastern Time), the Yahoo Answers website will be in read-only mode. There will be no changes to other Yahoo properties or services, or your Yahoo account. You can find more information about the Yahoo Answers shutdown and how to download your data on this help page.

Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 1 month ago

How did you overcame crave for marriage?

My boyfriend made it clear that he will not marry me. Its one of few subjects he is avoiding, feeling awkward about, not to mention having kids. I feel like perhaps he is not ready. He is trully doing a lot for us and I feel like he is “the one”. I could even say he is my soul mate. Before we met I didn’t fancy to get married, nor have kids. However, lately, probably influenced by many married couples around me, also expecting and having children, got me secretly fantasizing about our own family. I feel as if I am sometimes loosing my mind over a thought of him not making me his wife, considering that we often talk about our future. The question that is bothering me is why would you not want to marry the person who you plan to live with for life, unless you aren’t sure... I understand, comunication with partner is key, but this subject is just too akward for him. Despite the fact we have been in a relationship for 6 years. I do not wish to be in situation similar to my parents, when after fifteen years of marriage my father told my mother he never loved her, but he was forced to marry her because of unexpected pregnancy.

 I trully want to find peace within myself, turn my mind around and believe that marriage is not the answer, yet I feel heartache because my chosen partner promises our life together but will not even commit. 

I would appreciate some advice on overcoming crave for marriage, and finally finding peace in myself. Maybe I am looking for a “click” in my brain..

Update:

Best answer.

Thanks. This is like reading my exact feelings and prediction of this situation. I can say, I feel relieved. This is exactly what I needed to hear. I do not plan to leave him yet, only because I am quite comfortable living on his expense. I will give him another chance though, a year maybe, only on account that I still believe in him as my soul mate. 

Thanks for all the answers!

18 Answers

Relevance
  • Anonymous
    1 month ago
    Favourite answer

    When both partners are right for each other, that is your soul mate. He may feel like the perfect mate for you, but you are ultimately not the one for him if he wouldn't even wait for you down the aisle. The sad but true reality in this situation is that he sees you as a short time mate that he will keep around for a few years at best, but will inevitably dump you when the true love of his life comes around.

    You have your true love waiting for you as well, so why are you wasting your years with someone who publicly claims he has no intentions whatsoever to make you his wife in the eyes of society and in the eyes of God? (if you are religious, that is).

    Another harsh truth you will eventually face is that you seem to be the woman who "fixes him up" so he will ultimately be prepared for when his future wife eventually does enter his life. Trust me, he will know immediately that he wants to marry her and I will bet anything he will marry her within the first year of knowing her.  It's happened to a friend of mine in New York, Chicago, Florida, and friends of mine all over the United States. I've heard this same story time and time again. Please don't waste too much time with him and allow this woman to eventually become you. It will hit, and it will hit very hard in the center of your chest where your heart is.

  • ?
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    I'd recommend you two go into some couples counseling so that he's forced to face this "awkward" conversation. He doesn't get to just refuse to discuss something that's important to you because it makes him uncomfortable. This is your life, don't just take the path of least resistance so that later you'll truly regret wasting your time. 

  • 1 month ago

    He did commit to you. You changed your mind about marriage and kids (when you met, you didn't want kids or marriage which is totally fine) and changing about having kids is fine. It's something you do have to talk about. It's awkward, but if this is the man you want to spend the rest of your life with and "the one" then it's something you have to talk about. 

     Do you actually  want to get married (it seems like you're not sure). You have a marriage bug b/c everyone around you is married.  What does marriage mean to you? What do you expect from him in a marriage? what does he expect in a marriage?  finances, debts, kids. 

     Have you talked to him about  it in six years? 

    You can commit to someone without marrying them but if that's something you truly desire. 

    then he needs to be aware of this and you have to be aware that he might just say No I'm not getting married and have kids. Would you be okay to walk away?  Could you still stay if he states that his desire. 

  • 1 month ago

    You are too busy denying reality.  He isn't the one.  He isn't your soul mate.  The time you are spending with him is lessening your chances of finding the right one.  The right one would swim across a shark infested bay for the right to marry you and be your life partner.

  • What do you think of the answers? You can sign in to give your opinion on the answer.
  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    Ask yourself why you crave marriage?  Tradition, security of commitment, legitimacy of children?  You know your partner doesn't want it, so does that make any of your reasons to get married impossible?  And if not, then you have reasons to not get married effectively diminishing the desire.  

  • donnie
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    You are both wasting your time. The whole point in dating and having a boyfriend or girlfriend is to get married one day or for most people. If you are craving marriage then you need to find someone new. How long are you going to kick this can down the road? If you know this won't work in the long run then it is best to move on now then later but that is just my opinion 

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    I never planned to marry.  I never planned to have children.  I concentrated on my education and career.  My husband planned to be a lifelong bachelor.  And them we met.  Speaking of education, are you able to support yourself?

  • 1 month ago

    After 6 years, he's not "ready?"  Tell him you are moving on because you want to find someone to marry and have kids with.  If he suddenly wants to marry you, make sure he's not going to  hold a grudge.  If you stay with him, you may eventually get over your desire for marriage and a family but maybe not.  I think he is being selfish.  Does he not care about your feelings?  Your dad sounds selfish too. He was, after all, responsible for the "unexpected pregnancy."   The Bible has guidelines about sex and marriage and they are in the best interest of both parties.  Pray about it.  And please read the New Testament.  I suggest starting with the Gospel of John.  There are answers to life's problems in the Bible.  

  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    ive never been married but maybe someday you might marry someone else

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    Marriage and commitment are not the same. One does not imply the other. If your bf is in a serious, intimate, supportive, monogamous relationship with you, that IS commitment. Marriage is just a legal contract and is entirely arbitrary. The only part of this that's troubling at all, to me, is his unwillingness to talk about it and why it's so "awkward" for him. If I were you, I'd (gently), make him talk about it until you understand.  

Still have questions? Get answers by asking now.