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Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 1 month ago

Codependent upon a married man? He intends to leave her?

So I’ve been seeing a married guy who is like twice my age for a while now and it’s safe to say I’ve become attached. I think he has as well, since he has become more affectionate (physically and verbally, even in public when we go on dates) and he is ramping up his promises about leaving his wife. He even told me about how he’d like to ideally divorce her once his daughter is in college next fall. So there’s that to look forward to. 

Also, I’ve been thinking about him constantly and miss him terribly when we’re not together, which is fairly often throughout the week except for rare occasions. And we see each other on weekends, but usually one date at night. He texts me as often as he can and he’s started calling to say good night. I’m starting to think our attachment is unhealthy, especially since he’s still living with and going to bed with his wife, even though he says their sex life sucks and is non existent for years now. 

Am I wrong for being involved if he’s going to leave her? Would you say he’s serious about me?Are we too attached to each other? Please be honest but don’t judge as I can’t tell anyone in real life about this...

16 Answers

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    It’s always wrong to be with a married man. I’ve never understood why single women go after married men then start expecting and treating it  as a normal relationship. You don’t have a relationship with him. You have an arrangement. 

    He’s lying to you. He has no intention of leaving his wife to be with you. If his sex life is bad, then he is using you as his side piece. Nothing more. He’s telling you things you want to hear to get what he wants (sex) He has more to lose if he divorces his wife so get use to being his side piece 

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    you need to know and realize something...You are keeping his marriage alive. As long as he has his side piece (you) as a diversion, he tolerates his wife. And, don't fool yourself, he enjoys sex with her. He does.

    You are living a life of a cheater because you are also a cheater.


    You are a cheater

    *Cheaters are cheated out of being with their cheater on holidays.

    *Cheaters cheat their real spouse out of an authentic relationship

    * Cheaters steal time to cheat

    * Cheaters are on-call, waiting to cheat again

    * Cheaters share their cheating lover with the wife

    * Cheaters are manipulators

    * Cheaters are liars and schemers

    * Cheaters are in denial, hoping their cheater will leave their spouse

    * Cheaters fantisize about the lies they are feed, as being true statements

    * Cheaters are living a shameful lie/lifestyle

    * Cheaters are selfish people

    * Cheaters are dishonest with their friends and family, the people they supposedly love!

    * Cheaters are lonely and alone, hoping for any scrap of time they can get to cheat with.

    * Cheaters put too much emphasis on the stolen moments, rather than the reality of the mere hours they get to steal together.

    * Cheaters  will cheat with someone else if you don't cheat with them

    *Cheaters are easily replaceable because there are desperate people ready to cheat. You are not all that special

    You have the audacity to even wonder if sleeping with a married man is healthy or not? You have got to be Kidding!

    You are a wonderful diversion and a biological support system fo ra vagina.

    He will NEVER leave his wife for you, whether his daughter goes to college or not.

    Maybe his wife wants a divorce when the daughter goes to college.  You get her reject cheating husband as the booby prize! Joy ?

    Any man-child that cheats on his wife will cheat on his mistress. If you think you are his first side chick, you are in denial.

    How dare you even treat your fellow female in such a selfish way. There is this thing called Karma. One day LOVE will crush your heart, which will be well deserved pay- back.


  • ?
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    If he's like most errant husbands he has no intention of leaving his wife. So for your own mental and emotional health you probably should pull back a bit until such time as he's actually moved out and at least filed for divorce. Ideally you wouldn't see him until the divorce is final, but jumping into infidelity as you did you've kind of already blown up the standard timeline of how these things work (on the rare occasion that they do). 

  • 1 month ago

    My guess is that he's being dishonest to everyone in his life. Everyone. 

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  • n2mama
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    If you believe he is going to leave her, then it’s very simple. End things with him until he does. Don’t see him, don’t talk to him, don’t text him until his divorce is finalized. Then you know he actually is serious about you and your relationship. 

    I would bet my next paycheck that will never happen. Daughter going to college or not, he’s been married for a long time and likely stands to lose a LOT financially if he divorces. So if he can keep you on the side with his wife none the wiser, that’s what he’s going to do.

  • donnie
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    You have been seeing him, what do you mean by this do you mean seeing him just hey man hows it going? Or sex? or going on dates? People who mess around with people who are married are total low lives. He is wrong too but you are doing this instead of finding someone single 

  • 1 month ago

    I work in the legal field.  If I had a nickel for every man who was going to leave "her" as soon as the youngest child graduated from high school, went to college, graduated from college ... I'd have a lot of nickels.  Be prepared to spend Christmas Day alone because now there's another "when this happens" in his mind.

  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    i wouldnt go out with him if hes still married

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    Honestly to me it doesn't sounds he's not going to leave her anytime soon as for being serious about you I feel like he sees you as just a side piece and to me you deserve so much better then that I watched a coworker go through a similar situation though the difference with her was that the married guys wife was pregnant but he swore up and down that their marriage wasn't working out and he was going to divorce her and wanted to be with her ect, well needless to say that didn't happen and he ended up staying with his wife and it devastated her and I feel like just reading what you've mentioned it sounds like the same thing is going to happen for you if you stay, if I were you I'd break all ties with him and move on save yourself the inevitable heartache and drama that this man is going to cause you and bring to your life cause you deserve so much better then that 

  • 1 month ago

    I'm going to leave my horrible wife is the oldest line in the book. This line has been uttered countless times in situations like yours. I'm not judging you--you weren't the one who made a promise to be faithful-he did--if he was so serious about leaving his wife, he'd have done it already. I'm sure he's beyond flattered that a much younger woman finds him so appealing. Obviously, you're going to do whatever you want, but I don't see this ending well for you, or for the family that you are inserting yourself into. 

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