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Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 1 month ago

My husband don’t want my name in birthday cards sent to his children from previous marriage, but puts our child’s name in.?

Me and my husband have a 3 year old, he was married once before and has 3 kids with his ex wife. His kids used to come over when I was pregnant but since our baby was born they don’t. They said they hated our baby and how much time their dad had to spend with him while I was working. So they stopped coming. Now when it’s their birthdays my husband sends them a card and puts his name in and our child’s name. I feel he’s trying to separate me and our child by not including me when I am the child’s mother! Am I being unreasonable? 

17 Answers

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  • 1 month ago

    Your "husband" doesn't sound like he respects you like these people are saying. I think you made a mistake in marrying such a mean a $ s hole seriously!

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    Divorce your idiot husband 

  • 1 month ago

    There is plenty of unreasonableness to go around.  The children won't see their father because he has another child? Is this just selfishness or is it being spoiled or worse? If your husband hides the fact he IS married to you then that is belittling and demeaning to your relationship with HIM.  No one would treat my wife that way and get away with it.  NO ONE.    You are forgetting that the child is half him and so are his other children.  Because it is half him he naturally feels that this child is related to his previous children.  You are not.  So you are not understanding where he is at.  As I said.  A LOT of unreasonableness to go around.

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    How awful! You're not being unreasonable. That's your right as a mother to be included. I would be devastated and kind of heartbroken. It's a sentiment gesture of some kind, ya know..

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  • 1 month ago

    You aren't being unreasonable, but perhaps he isn't either.  It sounds like your husband is trying to compartmentalize you for the sake of his kids anxiety.  Thus his effort isn't necessarily vindictive to you, just an attempt to accommodate the other kids until they mature.  In any case you need to discuss this with him to share your feelings, not expect him to figure it out on his own.

  • It seems like a hurtful thing to not put your name on the card.

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    I married a widower who has 4 children.  I have different relationships with each child.  My husband sends cards AND gifts to two of them without my name on them.  He sends cards AND gifts to the two others WITH my name on them.  I don't care - even though the gifts come out of a joint account.  Life is too complicated to initiate problems.

  • 1 month ago

    I don't know what's happened between you all but please don't put too much emphasis on whether or not, right now, he signs your name too. Maybe some leaps and bounds could happen if you sent a separate card from you that you signed. Just friendly and happy greetings. Some things take years to iron out. I've stepsons too and it took me nearly 15 years before they absolutely knew I was a valued member of their family and were happy to make me a grandmother for their children. We're good and much of that is because I shelved my expectations and learned to accept what it took for THEM to weave their way through Dad's choices and those ramifications in their lives.  Marriage, and indeed life itself, is sometimes about "the long run". You have to believe in "the long run"! 

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    Your husband sounds like an idiot, but not because of birthday cards.  You make it sound as if those kids get to decide if they come over.  How did this happen?  They need their dad and he should be forcing the issue.  Kids don't get to decide this stuff and he should be doing whatever it takes to enforce visitation.

    The birthday card stuff is a symptom of this larger problem.  When you ask if you're being unreasonable, you aren't, but when you talk to him, start with the bigger issue.  Those kids need to see him fight for them.

  • ?
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    If he was really trying to protect these kids he wouldn't even put your son's name on the cards, as that seems to be the major bone of contention. But look, when you choose to marry someone who has a preexisting family you can't always expect everyone to just accept the new situation. Divorce is hard on kids and some can roll with it better than others. The best thing you can do is don't push and just let him navigate his own relationship with his own children. 

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