Anonymous

Would you ever be able to be stay with a person who cheated on you ? ?

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago
    Favourite answer

    I did - and still do not know if I have done the right thing.  It happened a little over 10 years ago.  She fell for a man about the same age as our son.  He successfully gave her a good time for awhile - and an S.T.I.  But because of the scandal, it was me who lost my job, my home, my savings, and almost my profession.  The steps I had to take to find something in my profession is something I wouldn't recommend to anyone.

    Still, when she knocked on my door months and months later, I decided to let her back in - and I committed to trying to heal the marriage.  I enrolled us in marriage enrichment retreats, opened up a door to receive whatever counseling was needed (individually and together) to bring us out of a bad thing and hopefully into a marriage that was better than ever.

    10 years later, I'm still waiting for ... something ... anything to happen.  Every door that was ever opened I guess is still there, but doing little more than letting in a draft.  She never walked through a single one.  She agreed to attend one retreat - and even though I would have given it a grade of A++ for what I thought was exceptional content (especially on the topic of marital infidelity), it so moved her, she didn't say anything or go near the topic for almost a year until I put my foot down.

    But even that did no good.  I admit that, when I started the process, I was still very much in love with her, willing to do whatever I needed to try to win her back, and try to once again be that person she fell in love with.  Now I don't care.  I have a housemate who occupies the same house, and helps with the housework, and is pleasant around our kids, but nothing else.

    I guess I have had to find contentment in treating her as if she were someone who had some serious physical ailment afflict her (stroke or something) and now I am just the faithful caregiver.  Except her life is just fine.  She not only was able to stay in her profession, but her reputation has gone through the roof.  She has finally found friends her own age, and they really enjoy each other's company (if she'd have had that 10 years ago, I'm convinced the affair never would have happened).

    So to answer the question.  When I married her, I really did say the words, "For better or for worse," and the fact that it turned out for worse - at least for me, doesn't change my responsibility.  But I sure wish I knew what I could have done differently - before and after she shed her clothes for another man - that would have put this on a different path.

  • Jerry
    Lv 4
    4 weeks ago

    No. Its a fundamental lack of respect

  • 1 month ago

    Hell no. That person will never respect you if you take them back.. 'Wow I cheated on him/her and they still want me? This person has absolutely no self respect, they must not be able to do better than a cheater.' is exactly what they will think in the back of their head, even if they don't say it. If you take them back you're basically saying 'I accept that you cheated on me, here's a pass to do it again.' If they cared about you enough to begin with, cheating would have never cross their mind. If they didn't even have the respect to leave you prior to being with someone else, what makes you think they're just going to learn from that mistake? That's some evil shi*t you do on purpose, not because it happened by accident lol. That's no mistake.. that's extremely well thought out. People have functioning brains and they can also weigh the consequences of their actions prior to acting on their desires. They know exactly how hurtful it will be to someone, yet they do it anyways. Let's not act like cheating is the equivalent of spilling a glass of wine on the carpet, as if it were something accidental. 

  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    i dont think so

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  • Robert
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    I don't think so.  Even if I tried, I would tend to punish them be expecting them to be completely submissive to every aspect of the relationship in the future.  That's never going to work.  I think I'd cut my loses and send them on their way.  

  • 1 month ago

    I really don't know.   I just think that's such a betrayal

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