I ruined my friendship after my grandma died how do i fix this please help (details inside)?

My friend hasn't spoken to me since September and I don't know what to do. Neither of us like texting but we agreed to meet up again in September and i got a bit carried away with excitement (it's been ages!) and ended up texting 3 days on the bounce. First day i asked her is she free this weekend? She ignored me til like 4 o clock in the morning then never replied. I just assumed she didn't wanna wake me up by replying? Like anyone would. So tried her again next day. Delivered. One final time the day after. Delivered again. I've done this in the past but she didn't mind at all. But anyway i thought i'd leave her alone til the new year or something. Until 2 weeks later when my grandma died. This made me become super clingy and i obviously wasn't thinking straight and bombarded her with 8 more texts every few sundays. Just about meeting, playing videogames etc. I never told her what was wrong. But also asked a week later if i upset her, is she still ok with me? Then i left her for a few weeks, and when i tried her again she turned her phone off. So just cos i made a mistake before my grandma died she decided to ghost me when i needed her most. I'm so worried she thinks i was stalking or harassing her but i wasn't i just wanted to talk to my friend and she ended the friendship over this i'm sure but i just want it back i don't know what to do 😭😭 i wrote a little note but what else could I do? x

8 Answers

  • a
    Lv 4
    4 weeks ago

    From your post, it reads as if she was ignoring you, even before your grandmother died. Not your fault, sometimes friends just drift away for all kinds of reasons, not because anyone did anything wrong. 

    I'm sorry for the loss of your grandmother, and for the loss of your former friend. You sound like a perfectly nice person, and I'm certain you'll make more.

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    Leave her alone before she gets a restraining order against you.

  • 1 month ago

    Did you send the note yet? Maybe it would be better to get a parent or mutual friend to speak to her for you. Explanations don't always work, but these were not normal circumstances at all. If she can't overlook or forgive you for this, then she's absolutely pathetic. She sounds like a perfectionist! The funny thing is she is more at fault than you. One text, just one "are you ok? What's with all these texts lately?" whether she was pissed off with you or not. That's all she had to do. If she's been slandering your name over this, then she is judgemental and you are better off without her.

  • 1 month ago

    I don't think you've done anything wrong at all, and i am really sorry about your grandma, i understand deaths can make people behave weird, but i really think she lost interest after you initially agreed to meet. I think she changed her mind but never bothered to tell you and just strung you along instead. It's really rude to ignore you til stupid o clock in the morning then not respond to a perfectly normal question. I think she has issues that you don't know about. She could have read that text straight away but no. It's really strange to suddenly ghost someone for texting 3 days straight....that's really weird! Hopefully she just wants a bit of space. But if she really has ended your friendship over something so trivial, you shouldn't want her back! Because that really is absolutely pathetic. And if nothing changes even knowing what was wrong, she is definitely not worth your friendship. She's not wired up right if she doesn't give you a second chance. But when you send the note, please don't get in contact straight away! I believe after a friendship breaks you should try 3 times to fix it in different ways. 

    1) note or face to face

    2) phone call a few months later

    3) 1 text greeting (happy birthday, etc.)

    If you do all 3 of these things but still don't hear from her even when she knows the truth, don't waste your time anymore. She's sick if she can't forgive this. It could be that she takes longer than most to come round, so don't rule anything out but if it's been a year and you still haven't heard from her, definitely forget about her. Because she's not worth it at all.

  • What do you think of the answers? You can sign in to give your opinion on the answer.
  • 1 month ago

    If you have written her a little note of apology and explanation and sent it to her in the Postal mail, there is nothing more you can do. At this point, simply stop reaching out to her. She's not a grief counselor and will not be able to aid you at this time in your life. I get you "just wanted to talk" but the reality is that you're haunting her. Perhaps she has her hands full with her own life right now. You are trying to FORCE her to communicate. To Demand that she communicate. That's not friendship. That's seeking power. You don't mention word one about being concerned for her. Only that she be there for YOU. She's not. Stop reaching out to her. Your are hurting yourself. 

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    She doesn't give a shiit about you at all. If she did she would have replied at least once but she hasn't since september. I really don't know why you want her back when she's treated you so badly. Am i reading this right, she turned on you because you texted her 3 days straight and then when you needed her she wasn't there? If she needs a bit of space I understand but this is definitely not worth permanently cutting contact with you. No one knows how they will react to grief. 

    I think if you really want to try you should tell her the truth and how you feel, but if nothing changes then get her out of your life forever. Only a selfish person would not be able to forgive circumstances like this. She should be supporting you when she knows the truth. But if she doesn't, you're better off without her.

  • blank
    Lv 6
    1 month ago

    I roll a little different than most and when it comes to this sort of thing I always try to step back and be as objective as possible:  including asking myself how I MIGHT have been wrong.

    That said - was the timing of the texts (time of day) bad?  Could you have been pushing her texting petpeeve buttons when she was in class?  At work?  in the middle of the night waking her?  IF so, then you may have your answer.

    IF not (and I am really leaning toward this) she really has shown how shallow she is.  I mean, WHO hates texting so much that they get upset when they get the news about a death in the family (unless she thought you were playing her, just trying to get her to respond).

    I understand the texting thing.... I much prefer face to face or at least phone calls .... but .... I still text with people because they prefer it.   I go with the flow.  I DO NOT however expect an immediate reply and have waited a couple days to get or give responses.

    Sounds like you should either call her or email her the thoughts in your note.... if she ignores you on that... well then you know this "friend" has chosen to drift out of your life.   They do come and go over a life time - very very few stay forever.

    Good luck.  Cheer up, I don't think you did anything so outrageous that you deserve to be persona non gratas with her.  Oh, and please accept my condolances on the loss of your grandmother.  

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    I am so sorry. I think it's really **** that she ghosted you before this happened, and over something so trivial too! Who gives a **** that you kept bugging her when you had it so much worse? If she can't overlook that, she is not worth being your friend. Though I kinda feel like she lost interest before you started bombarding her, like i think you like her more than she likes you. I know that sounds really harsh? But honestly, I think you're not on the same page at all. By all means send your note, give her some space then try her again, but if it fails ask yourself this. If she did that to you, would you forgive her? You probably would, but if she can't, then it should be a clear sign you are no longer compatible as friends. And I know you'll really struggle with this, but if she doesn't forgive you, you need to let her go. Not just because it would be proof of what kinda person she really is (who can't forgive something like this?) but also because if you don't, you'll just keep struggling. And that will only make your mental health suffer. And you know what? Nothing and no one is worth that.

Still have questions? Get answers by asking now.