Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsEngagements & Weddings · 1 month ago

Is it weird to be in a relationship with someone for 8 years and still have no ring/not even a band on your finger?

I understood his refusal to get married from the beginning. I am a pretty modern woman myself, and don't feel the want or need to drop 30 grand on a party for one day. In fact, I'm also relieved I don't have to do any future wedding planning whatsoever. I hear that puts a huge strain on any relationship - some of my friends have even split up over this and they have been together less than bf and I have.

However, something got me thinking recently. We have both been dating and even living together since our early 20s, and he is now 31 and it will be my 29th birthday this February. 

A friend of mine was recently upset for me and has even said in front of him "This girl has cooked for you, cleaned for you, and slept with you for 8 full years and you STILL haven't gotten her a ring?" Truthfully, she did have some right to say this because her boyfriend of only 2 years has recently proposed to her and bought an engagement ring. So, I feel that she does have the right to speak up and feel pissedoff about this. I even agreed with her in front of BF on that topic.

When they left, we actually had a conversation about it. At first, he was pretty peeved that she had to nerve to bring it up at all, and I told him myself I feel weird that people don't even know/believe that I am in a relationship and will most likely always think I'm single if neither of us wear rings to signify that we are together.

Update:

Thank you for the answers so far! By the way - I am just going to report people who call me a troll or other type of name. You don't know me, nor do you know my story. I also don't have to read what you think or don't think about me. Why answer if you don't believe me? Just wasting your time.

21 Answers

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  • You don't have to 'drop 30 grand' on a wedding, you can have a wedding that's less expensive if you stick to a budget. Or you can get married at a courthouse. 

    Your friend had no right to say that, she has no idea what goes on when she's not there. Tell her you're happy with him and the way things are in your relationship. She should keep her mouth shut and but out of your relationship. Also tell you don't need / want a ring. 

    You don't need a ring to signify that you're in a relationship either. You show people that you're happy, and in love with him and they will get it. You shouldn't have to tell them that you're in a relationship.

    I've been in a relationship with my husband for about 10 years before getting married. We wanted to get married but we just couldn't afford to. We eventually crawled out of debt, saved some money and got married with just close friends and family. I didn't have a 30 K wedding. 

    If you do want a ring, talk to him about getting married. See how he feels about marriage and getting married to you. 

  • 1 month ago

    Your comment about spending 30 grand on a party for one day is IRRELEVANT because a party never HAS to cost a fortune... that is a choice. A wedding day reception and a marriage are not to be compared because one is a party and the other is a marriage and one is not necessary to have the other.

    About your friend... she is so damn rude. She dated a marriage minded guy and accepted his uproposal. That gives her NO right to bud into your arrangement with your boyfriend.

    You mention that without a ring people will think you are single. And... so what? You have a voice and can express that you live with a boyfriend to let people know you are in a committed relationship. Why even CARE what strangers think?

    You have chosen to stay with a guy who is honest, since day one, about NOT wanting to get married. That is good reason for you two no being married 8 years later. Anyone who knows you, knows you are in a relationship. If theydon't believe you, WHY DO YOU EVEN CARE? That is not thementality of the " MODERN WOMAN " you claim to be.

    Face it... you want to be married because this is clearly getting under your skin.

    A" modern woman" would propose. If he does not accept, a " modern woman" would leave to pursue her dream of being a wife.

    If itis justa ring you want...then buy yourself a promise ring which signifies your promise to commit to your relationship, if that makes you feel like a couple to the world.

    Actually, reading between the lines, I think you regret being with a guy all these years without marriage. But again, HE TOLD YOU ABOUT HIS REFUSAL TO GET MARRIED FROM THE START.

    So,theanswer to your question, in consideration of the details you provided ...

    NO, it is not weird that a guy who told you he never wants marriage, has not asked you to marry him. Why would you have a ring that symbolizes engagement or marriage when he told you he refuses to marry?

    It is pretty elementary, actually.

  • Trish
    Lv 5
    1 month ago

    It is kinda weird.  You have a lot invested in the relationship and you seem to know how he or both of you felt from the start.  Are you saying now that you changed your mind?  Sit down and talk to find out what his and your intentions are now.  I honestly would not spend eight years with a man  knowing he had no intention of marrying and I consider myself modern with Godly principal. I have a relationship with a man until I realize it isn't going anywhere it usually takes me seven months but from what I read and heard it should only take four months of dating to know if you have found a winner.

  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Your friend had no right to say that to your boyfriend and the more pestering you and others do on this the less likely he is to want to get married. You seem far more concerned with other people think of your relationship than with the relationship itself.In fact if your friends keep badgering him about this he might decide it's not even worth staying with you at all. 

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  • drip
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    You knew from the start he would not marry you.

    So why would you expect an engagement ring or wedding band? 

    Plenty of couples do not get married in this day and age. 

    If you want people to know you are in a  relationship, then tell them.  Why in the heck would no one believe you are in a relationship? 

    Wouldn’t your friends and family have met him? 

    And he was right. You friend had no business telling him he needs to marry you. 

  • 1 month ago

    Well, I agree with you on troll mania, but you didn't help your cause by turning this into a Victorian novel.  You're saying you want a ring from him, but not a proposal and wedding?  If so, why can't you just tell him this?  Also, I don't get what you mean by signifying you're together.  The only ring that comes close to this is an engagement ring, and you wouldn't wear this on that finger. It's misleading and you'll spend your waking hours answering questions about when the wedding is.

    Finally, I totally agree with your bf about your mouthy friend.  How would you feel if one of his buddies jumped into the middle of your relationship like that?   If you were my friend, I'd never do this.  I'd be telling you to make sure you know EXACTLY what you want, and then talk to him.

  • n2mama
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    If you want to wear a ring to signify that you are in a committed relationship, go right ahead. You could buy a ring for yourself or use something you already own, or maybe have a family heirloom you could wear. What you should not do is expect him to buy a ring for you or have any kind of a commitment ceremony or similar. He made his views on marriage clear from the beginning and you never had a problem with it, so it’s odd to me that now it’s a problem because your friend who has been in a relationship for 1/4 of the time just got engaged. 

    I’m a little surprised you didn’t set your friend straight about the fact that you have done things for him (cooking, cleaning, sex, whatever) for the past eight years because you are partners and you both do things for each other, not because you’re trying to prove yourself worthy of being given a ring. And I disagree with you that your friend has any right to be pissed off about your relationship or lack of a marriage proposal. It isn’t any of her business, and her bringing it up and attacking your boyfriend over it was totally over the line. Then you agreed with her, so I have to think your boyfriend felt pretty attacked and blindsided by that. I’ve been married for twenty years, and for probably 70% of that time I’ve worked in an industry that doesn’t permit me to wear jewelry at all, including a wedding band. It has never made me any less married, nor have I ever had an issue with people believing that I am married.

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    Is it "weird"? No, it's actually fairly common at this point. Fewer and fewer people..particularly educated people...find the need to formalize their relationship with a certificate from their local government. Was that your entire question though? Whether it's weird or not? Or did you have something else you wanted to ask?

  • 1 month ago

    Do you feel like this is an issue because you want to be married; or is it just that other people are bringing it up?

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    yes. yes it is. 

    that's a lot of years to put into someone and not know where it's going....

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