Some days I want to DlE so bad. But I’m too scared ?

By the end of this year i would have been Four years out of highschool, and I’ve achieved nothing but short courses, a relapse then depression then getting better, never able to find or keep a long term job.  So basically. Nothing 

I have an amazing supportive big family. Yes. Yet I feel like the most retarded daughter/niece/grandchild. I want to die because my whole life I’ve suffered from a severe type of social anxiety disorder, and to make things worst I think I have some form of attention deficit or severe learning disability, which is probably why I’ failed everything in school. Therefore, I feel like the most retarded one in my family, who all became successful. 

I’ve been to therapy and end up just sitting there not knowing what to say. The fact that I have to take meditation everyday already makes me feel weak. Not to mention a younger sibling constantly telling me I’m going to have NO FUTURE

I’m entering my early 20’s, and feel like a failure - being born the way I was. It’s unnoticed as a kid, but as an adult you look SPECIAL.   That I’ll fail at adulting because I can’t do anything and get so illiterate when I’m anxious. 

It makes me want to die.  I’ve been having these thoughts after one year out of highschool... cry while googling it over and over and reading bout other people’s struggles. But I’m too scared of death or actually hurting myself. But I just wish I could just die?!?

How to just kill myslef fast and painlessly?!

3 Answers

Relevance
  • 1 month ago

    The medicine may help.

    If it doesn't,ask for another type.

    Never give up.

  • 1 month ago

    Quit whining and join the armforce. 

  • 1 month ago

    You know you can't see the future. You assume it will be unkind to you.  Have you ever thought of you being the one to give help to others?  What way could you find to help a fellow traveler on this road of Life? Forget your family.  Make your own family of people who cherish you, and like you and enjoy your company.  You can do it.  Don't even bother to react to that snotty younger sister you spoke about.  Nobody is a failure at age 20.  You're just too young to be either a failure  or a success.  I can't find the number for the suicide help line, but if I do find it I'll come back to give it to you.  LeighAnne there was a time, long ago when I  had to call that number.  It helped to talk to him, and he called me two days later just to see how I was doing.  Reach out for help.  It's there but it is the strong who find it, find the way and persevere.  I sincerely hope you do too.  

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