Is it wrong to not attend a funeral ?
My neighbor of 27 years recently passed away and the funeral is tonight but am debating whether to attend or not. The woman and her husband were like a third set of grandparents to me and it feels wrong to not attend but on the other hand my last memory of her was having a great conversation with her and sharing laughs and I want that to be my last memory of her. 3/4 of my grandparents are dead and my last memory of them is their lifeless corpse and honestly their is no closer or comfort in that. If I don't attend I will have a really good last memory of her and that would be comforting but at the same time I don't want to be disrespectful to her husband and the rest of the family by not attending. Would it be wrong if I didn't attend?
Looking back I would have skipped my grandparents funerals given the chance because as I said all it did was give me a horrible last memory. And all three funerals were standing room only and the fact that all those people were there didn't give me any comfort or closure.
- GreygooseLv 61 month agoFavourite answer
I didn’t go to my best friends funeral. Neither liked attending funerals and talked about not attending each others funeral. That was our understanding and that’s what was important to us.
I explained that to her family and it was understood. It’s important to give people their “Flowers” when they are alive, they are of no use to them when they are dead.
It’s been seven years and when I think about her and our friendship there’s always a smile on my face and in my heart. I only remember the good times we had and the good person she was.
- LiverGirl98Lv 71 month ago
Ultimately, you need to do what feels right for you. However, ensure you are completely comfortable with your decision not to attend this woman's funeral, because you do not want to wrestle with regret after the fact.
- Anonymous1 month ago
All you need to do is go and offer your condolences to the family. If staying at the funeral makes you uncomfortable, then you can leave right away. Either that or send a condolence card.
- PearlLv 71 month ago
thats up to you
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- I'm MattmanLv 51 month ago
I would go simply out of respect. There's no shame in sticking it out in the background and avoiding going near the casket because of how it will affect you. I don't like funerals either, but I do still go just to be there for the family. Your good memories of them, the fact that they were like a grandparent to you, and just having you around in this difficult time might be something that brings others comfort. Overall, it's up to you.
- ElaineLv 71 month ago
Funerals are for the living, not the dead. A funeral is the most appropriate place for you to share your memories with the survivors. The funeral is not about you but is all about giving comfort to the bereaved. A funeral gives us the opportunity to come together to share out grief, sorrow and memories of the departed. It is one of the very few times in life that we come together as one. If the casket is open there is no law that says you have to go up to the casket.
- Anonymous1 month ago
Stanley, we go to funerals to support the close family of the bereaved. It will mean an awful lot to the husband to see that people have turned out for his wife. Going will not erase the happy memories you have. (Wear a mask and social distance and all that though.) Men are especially lost when they lose their wives. Don't forget to check in on your neighbor from time to time and maybe invite him to watch a game with you and share a few beers. He'll probably say no in the beginning but don't stop asking from time to time and ask his advice on things (even if you don't really need it). Giving a little break from grieving is one of the kindest things you can do for the bereaved.
- Anonymous1 month ago
Apparently not like a third set of grandparents because you would never dream of skipping one of your grandma's funeral, leaving grandpa there without seeing you, seeming not to care. Think about how awkward it's going to be when you now see your neighbor and know that both you and he know that you didn't bother to show up to her funeral, didn't come to support him in his loss and grief. You don't go to funerals for the dead. You go for the living, and this supposed third grandpa of yours is living and is who you'd be going for. So get over yourself.