Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsEngagements & Weddings · 2 months ago

If my boyfriend can't afford a nice ring (which I'm cool with) is it still selfish/entitled to ask for a nicer proposal instead?

So my boyfriend and I are on a budget between student loans and putting a down payment on for our very first house (it's small, but it's ours). I told boyfriend it's completely fine if I received something like a cheap silver ring or even no ring at all, but instead I would like us to make the proposal special so we can at least still look back and remember the special day.

It doesn't even have to cost money. Just a nice location, something romantic, or maybe we're doing something fun together. Just so we can at least have a nice story to remember if we can't afford all the flashy material goods like big diamonds or platinum bands. That would be for at least 10 years into marriage or when we are completely out of debt and can afford that stuff for each other. Or even after a special milestone such as after the birth of our first baby or something like that (unless the baby drains our money, then no lol).

Update:

I guess it comes down to me being 100% sentimental. Even if we have extremely special dates every now and then, I always get something little for him and myself to remember it by. That way, I can look back and remember all the fun times we've had. Our apartment is basically dedicated to all of the memories we share together. 

13 Answers

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  • Trish
    Lv 5
    1 month ago

    If  what you say is true seems like you have a lot of momentos and don't seem to know that you don't upgrade your engagement ring ten years down the road.  Love and accept the ring 💍 he gives you in the moment.  To get an additional ring years later would be to say that the ring you can afford at the time isn't good enough for our marriage now and later.

  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Not to burst your bubble... But you shouldn't really have to "ask" for displays of affection. The goal in life is to find a partner of a similar enough mindset to your own that he instinctively knows what you'd like because it's what he'd like too. Another question to ask yourself would be that since you know you're getting married and you're already even buying a house, do you really need some theatrical display to make that official. TBH if you have to ask someone to stage a play for you it isn't genuine and doesn't really mean anything. Ultimately in marriage all that matters is your commitment to each other. All the bells, whistles, rings, dresses, parties and all of that are just the props. So ask for what you want I guess but it's probably just going to make him feel like he's not enough for you without these grand gestures. Be careful because what you both do now will set the tone for life. If you need a certain level of artifice that doesn't come naturally to him you're always going to have problems and you're always going to complain that "he's not romantic enough". 

  • 1 month ago

    It isn't so much selfish as it is naive/immature.  Why manufacture an event?  Why can't it be noteworthy regardless of the when or where since you already know it is going to happen? memories should be authentic, not production numbers.

    I get you are sentimental, but you may come to realize that things don't need to be stage-manager or "Instagram-worthy" to be truly memorable and special. If you are such a control freak that you can't let your boyfriend propose however it is he wants to do it, maybe you two aren't right for each other.  

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

     You're too immature for marriage so better off waiting zx

     . . . . . . . . . .

    🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳🔳

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    yes you are selfish and entitled. 

  • drip
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    You don’t trust him to handle the proposal? You need to narrate how it should go? 

    Why not just ask him to marry you and do it up the way you think it should be done.

  • 2 months ago

    So to confirm; you want a second, fake proposal?

  • Embery
    Lv 5
    2 months ago

    You are trying to girl him with your girl stuff, no man has any connection to "The fairytale" it just doesn't resonate. If you want something memorable, explain that to him in a way he'll understand, "Your special day" or "A nice story" doesn't mean anything to men the way it does to women.

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    No I think a nice proposal is perfectly reasonable. I believe that proposals are more about the occasion, sentiment and effort put into them rather than materialistic objects. Items, such as rings, are symbols associated with the proposal; they are not a substitute for the proposal or the occasion itself. Hence, as long as your boyfriend does his best and makes an effort then that is all you can ask of him. 

  • ?
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    First, no it's not selfish to hope that he would come up with some kind of nice proposal. But I can't say I understand why, if you already know you're getting married, you think there has to be a formal proposal. Anyway, my engagement ring was a $30 opal, which was fine with me. But I think you have unrealistic expectations. You are unlikely to be able to afford diamonds and platinum for quite a long time- especially if you have babies. 

    But men have a lot of trouble expressing their feelings. Also, according to Deborah Tannen (You Just Don't Understand), the more you ask for things, the more reluctant they are to do them, because it looks like they're weak and giving in to you. 

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