funny reasons why retail is the best therapy?

Question

Im writing a satiric/ sarcastic speech on why retail is the best therapy. please let me know any reasons/jokes/puns i can use!

Answer 1

Compare it to other forms of therapy:

Psychoanalysis- you pay a lot to talk, and come away with nothing. With retail therapy, you spend the same amount of money and end up with some good stuff.

Accupuncture- you pay someone to stick needles in you. Shopping is a lot less painful!

Psychotherapeutic medicines: Expensive and get you hooked on drugs. Shopping can be cheaper and less habit-forming.

Alcohol- makes you fat and stupid. Shopping can be good exercise.

For quotes, I like the variation on "I think, therefore I am."--- "I shop, therefore I am."

Also 

"Shopping is my cardio."

"Whoever said that money can't buy happiness simply didn't know where to go shopping." Bo Derek.

Anyone who lives within their means suffers from a lack of imagination. Oscar Wilde