Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 2 months ago

Had an argument with my mil and don't know what to do/feel now...advice please?

I've been married for almost ten years and just recently on my birthday got into a small argument with her over the phone. I drank a bit too much and don't remember every single detail or everything that was said or what started it, but apparently I called her out for not being the great grandmother she thinks she is to my son and after a bit she ended up saying "f**k you" to me then hanging up and that's how it ended. She is someone who tends to believe the world revolves around her and no one really ever tells her how they really feel. I've always been nice to her and have been extremely patient with her narcissistic behavior over the years, and this argument seemed to come out of no where (mainly alcohol induced, but she really isn't a very good grandmother/person and makes mainly everything all about her) yet to avoid conflict I ended up apologizing via text message anyway. She read it and has yet to respond. My husband says he doesn't care and if she tries to start drama he will defend me, but I still feel bad. I don't want to see her anytime soon (maybe even ever again) and just need advice on how to not beat myself up over this and how to just feel better because I did apologize so I feel like I did everything I could to move on yet she just ignored it...


I'm afraid that she is either never going to respond at all, let time pass then randomly out of no where try and start drama about it. Or I'm afraid she'll just keep this going forever and never let it go. I don't want either of those to happen. Quite frankly, I want nothing to do with her anymore anyway...but considering she's so wrapped up in herself to ever make anything not about her or put effort in, but it might happen, but knowing her I am still worried that won't happen either...

Update 2:

I wish she would just apologize or move on since this has never happened before and she has to know there is truth to what I was saying...but she most likely won't and I just don't need this drama in my life right now. I have anxiety just thinking about how she won't let this go and try and make it all about her instead of trying to move forward. 

Update 3:

I have been nice to her and cordial since we have met and to even try and make this all about her and 'poor me' would be so ridiculous. There is truth to what I was saying but I should've known she wouldn't take it any other way, since everyone always just tells her what she wants to hear anyway. She makes everything about her and is constantly over dramatic. I forget why I started getting upset in the first place but I at least expected a text back after my apology.

Update 4:

So where do I go from here? How do I stay positive because I know we aren't going to see each other any time soon...and my husband isn't even mad at me (because he knows the truth as well and how she is too) but how do I stop over thinking this and just forget about it...I already apologized and this is definitely something that has never happened before. Advice please! I know I'm a good person but I just don't want her to make me feel otherwise because of this. 

Update 5:

I know that I have not been a difficult person with her over the years and I take care of my son with no help from anyone else so I know the opinion of others is invalid and unimportant, especially from people I never see on a regular basis. But still, any positive advice would be helpful! Thanks.

3 Answers

  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    you could try apologizing

  • T J
    Lv 6
    2 months ago

    Leave it be. You finally told her what you truly feel. There is no reason to say anything more to her, ever!  Id cut her out of my family altogether.

  • 2 months ago

    It's hard to feel better about a family situation like that. It's okay to feel bad. Bad that you drank until you lost control, bad that your husband had to grow up with her (if she's a bad grandma, she must have been a terrible mom, too?), bad that she's a lousy grandma, bad that you've been biting your tongue for 10 years, there's a lot of bad here. Get out ahead of it. Admit and accept that you lost control, you don't remember what you said, but stick by the fact that you're sick of her BS. Your husband is willing to back you up. Nothing to beat yourself up over. Sounds like it was a long time coming. 

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