Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsEngagements & Weddings · 1 month ago

Need help ?

Hi guys 

So I’m having some issues, I have a 1 month old daughter. I haven’t got much family myself (no mum or dad) I haven’t got much heirlooms either all I have is my engagement ring and bracelet which was both bought by my partner recently. Where as my mother in law has so many heirlooms like old vintage expensive items such as ornaments, gold sovereign rings, wedding rings, bracelets and much more. Christmas is coming up which my daughter will be 3 months by then and I wanted to get her something special from me coming from me (not so much from my partner) I wanted to buy a heirloom to pass to her yet I feel like my mother in law is in competition with me. Things I have mentioned such as getting her a sapphire ring for her 18th birthday my mother in law has to go one better and mention to me when I mentioned that “oh I’ve got my wedding rings which have a sapphire in it which I’m going to pass down to her” This is a constant battle so I’m really stuck on what to get her now as I feel like she’s getting most things passed down to her like jewellery and so on. For Christmas this year she is buying my daughter a beautiful gold plated music box which is a wonderful idea yet an idea that I thought of a long time ago but now I feel I cannot get it. My sister in law is buying her jewellery. So what left is there for me to get ? I want it to be better visually, I want it to be more expensive, I want it to be amazing, any ideas? 


Yes it wasn’t a competition untill my mother in law made it one and is constantly is. As everything I want to get she goes out to get the same thing. Yes now she has no clue but these things are meant to be for her for the future dumb heads not for now ! Music box isn’t a heirloom as in a family history thing but something that was bought recently. You lot just don’t understand so get out of here with you bull ... until your in this situation yourselves which use clearly ain’t u will never know 

9 Answers

  • Jerry
    Lv 7
    1 month ago
    Favourite answer

    If I found myself in your situation, I'd give my daughter a gift of CASH, start a special fund to be available in 20 years for some major adult purchase like tuition, car, home. When giving gifts to my daughter I'd give something fun and thoughtful but not valuable and also make a significant contribution to the fund. I would be hoping that my in-laws would also be competitive about the fund, that when I contributed $200, Mumsy would feel compelled to contribute $300. 

  • Trish
    Lv 5
    4 weeks ago

    Don't tell your in-laws so much and there won't be so much competition hopefully.

  • 1 month ago

    Just get her something you genuinely want her to have, that you think she would like. Stop competing. One gift has nothing to do with another. 

  • ?
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    My idea would be to stop competing on price point and come up with something completely emotional that'll take her breath away and make her think of you every time she sees it. I don't know your MIL so I can't say what that would be. But you do know her so work more from the position of touching her heart than emptying your wallet. Sometimes the best gifts don't have to cost a lot. 

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  • Cammie
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Stop sharing so much with MIL to be.

    Get your baby some books and start reading to her.

    My X MIL always bought gifts for my children that were not useful or even liked by my kids.I taught them how to be polite and thank the giver for a terrible gift. 

  • a
    Lv 4
    1 month ago

    1) A three-month old doesn't give a diaper full of poop about music boxes or jewelry.

    2) if you aren't *actually married* you don't have a mother in law or a sister in law.

    3) People who have more experience than you are trying to point out how very petty and stupid expensive gifts are, when you have ahead of you the rather large task of raising a child pretty much alone. Of all the people in your rant, the father of your baby wasn't even mentioned - unless he's the man you call your partner - you know, the one who hasn't married you.

  • drip
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Stop discussing it with her.  Buy what ever you want to for your daughter.  You don’t even have to tell your MIL what you bought her. 

    Check out Add a Pearl a Year necklaces.

    Make her something. Take her photo every year of her, dad and you On her birthday. Put it in a scrapBook. Journalize it. Write down your thoughts and feelings. What  went on that day.  Give it to her on her 21st. It will be a treasured memory 

    And you have got to know that a gift from you is going to be different from Grandma handing down her jewelry. 

    And is grandma automatically going to had her wedding ring to your daughter at age 18?  

    His family is excited and delighted to have her in their family.  They may not realize that you feel this is a competition.  They just want to share and buy her gifts.  

    My dad’s sisters would cash their paycheckS and go buy me clothes. I was 3 months old and could wear a new outfit twice a day for a month. My mother said she never got to buy me a dress. My aunts weren’t trying to out do her, they just were so freaking excited to have a niece.   

    Have you husband tell them about a college fund he opened for his daughter and boy it would be nice if they contributed to it on her birthdays. 


  • 1 month ago

    It's not a competition, and heirlooms are just expensive things you don't wear / use / need that are generally inherited. 

    At 3 months, your daughter will have no idea; there's no point. Put the money you would have spend into a savings account, and add to it each year - this will be far more useful and valuable than a trinket. 

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    Yes you sure need help. A one month old baby has no clue what day it is let alone appreciate Xmas. People who buy any kind of gifts for a baby do it for their own selfish satisfaction. It's pathetic that you feel the need to compete with others in this respect. Get a grip and maybe when she is old enough to appreciate gifts you can act accordingly.

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