To marry or not to marry?

I've been seeing someone for 7 months. He's a good man and we get along decently. We are both abroad, and his visa options are limited. He has 5 months left. If we get married, he gets the benefit of my visa, but I don't feel ready for marraige. I plan to stay abroad for a few more years. We are from different countries as well. He has moved fast from the start, always needing more than I'm comfortable with. I, on the other hand, am very slow to make dwcisions. I'm not sure what I should do. He's given me an ultimatum either to agree to marraige or end it. Any thoughts are welcome. 

10 Answers

  • 1 month ago

    If not fully committed to living a life with him, getting married for any other reason is foolish in the extreme. 

  • 1 month ago

    With an ultimatum like this, I feel he's looking for q wife only to extend his visa. This is not going to lead to a long happy relationship. I wouldn't consider marriage with him if I were you.

  • T J
    Lv 6
    1 month ago

    The bottom line is he has been and still is using you, this has been his plan the entire time. He wants your visa benefit. Do not be a fool, he will use you and keep using you. He is putting on a good show all this time, to make you want him. Show him you are smart to his plan, and tell him to get lost now. Once you tell him no marriage, you will see what he really is. All to many have been taken in by these scams for years, do not be one of them.

  • 1 month ago

    I appreciate the responses. He wants to marry so he can stay with me longer, which I do believe to be the majority of his reason, even if he stands to benefit in other ways. 

    But then I also don't want to lose him over this. I don't want to lose something good because I'm too slow or indecisive.

    Maybe my question should also ask, "How do you know if someone is right for you to marry?"

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  • 1 month ago

    Tell him to stfu about marriage or no sex your a woman use your weapon.

  • 1 month ago

    7 months is too little to know if you are compatible enough to share a house, less alone a life and a marriage.

    If there are immigration issues, getting married to get him a visa doesn't sound like the best start for a marriage either.

    Dating is a vetting process. You have only know him 7 months, I have spices in my kitchen that are older than that. 

    You also mention that he has moved fast from the start and needing always more than what you are comfortable with, take that as a red flag.

    The fact that he's giving you an ultimatum about this is another red flag. Ok, I get it that this whole immigration thing is annoying but pressuring you to get married doesn't help anyone. He sounds pushy. The cynic in me thinks he targeted you bc he wants to benefit from your visa.

    Trust your gut.

  • 1 month ago

    No under any circumstances. It take Two Full Years to get to know someone for who they ARE instead of who we want them to be or who they WANT to present themselves. So.. NO. Do not marry or pave the way or fall like a ton of bricks for anyone who needs what you have to offer because it feels important 7 months after meeting. NO. 

  • g
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    "We get along decently" is no reason to get married. I don't care how limited his/your options are, thars just wrong.

  • 1 month ago

    You better not to think about the opportunity but think about the prosperity  

  • 1 month ago

    He’s using you for a green card and doesn’t respect your right to take your time 

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