Break up, how do I even deal with this situation?!?

My fiancé replied to a Craigslist “missed connection “ Ad for men.

So I was looking in my fiancé’s emails last week( I know I’m an asshole and it’s a complete violation of his privacy) BUT, that’s a whole other story of what made me do that. 

Okay I was horrified and shocked to see that he had replied to a Craigslist ad in the missed connection. 

His exact words in the email were “are you still looking? 30m ddf total bottom “

I had to google the lingo to make sure it’s what I thought. I’m still in complete disbelief. Never in my entire life would I think he was gay. It’s been a week and I still don’t know how to bring this up. 

I’m also terrified that he has hooked up with random men off Craigslist and then exposing me to STDs. 

It’s giving me horrible anxiety and I don’t know how to talk to him about it, and end the relationship.



He changed the password on his phone, and when I asked him why, he became really defensive. He made up some story saying he changed his password because my 14 year old daughter heard him say it. He got really upset and went in the garage for about an hour. When he came back out he told me the password and said I can look through what ever I wanted. So I did. 

He deleted everything but I guess he missed those 2 emails. I forwarded them to my email and deleted it. 

5 Answers

  • 1 month ago
    Favourite answer

    With no doubt, he lied to you about his sexual identity and that he has been engaging in sexual relations with men as a bottom--which means he is submissive from a sexual perspective to other men. He is cheating on you and has completely lied to you about who he really is. 

    Therefore, you really do not know him on an intimate basis. So, he is truly a stranger to you,  and the fact that he is actively trying to be sodomized by strange men indicates that you are not the correct gender for him.

    Furthermore, if you engage in intimate relations with him, you risk getting a life threatening sexualy transmitted disease. He is not worth your life, or, your love.

    I am so sorry that you experienced this. I have also had a man who i lived with turn out to be bisexual and being sodomized as a submissive bottom by other men, all without my knowledge. 

    Run away from him.

  • ?
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    If he's having sex with you it's more likely he's bisexual. But if the two of you have an agreement that you'll be monogamous you've got a right to be upset. Clearly you two will need to talk about this. It could be that you'll want to call off the wedding and end this relationship. 

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    Well first don’t have sex with him.  Get an appointment with your GYN.  Can’t hurt to be sure you are ok.    Are you living together? Think of your goals and plans to get out of that situation before confronting him. 

    Take the weekend away from him. Stay with your parents or a good friend.  And think. He could be bi or gay.  

    Then when you are some where safe, where you can be the one to leave if things get heated,  tell him it has been brought to your attention that he is either bi or gay. That regardless of PC terms he has been seeing other people. Or trying to connect with others.

    This is more of being more of a jerk, but you may want to print off that email.   

  • 1 month ago

    Run. Seriously, get out if this relationship and never look back. 

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  • T J
    Lv 6
    1 month ago

    How did you find his sent mail? If this i true, move on.

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