Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 1 month ago

Going through a quarter life crisis, I am frozen in indecisiveness about where I want my life to go, advice?

I’m 27 and in a relationship with a girl for 3 years, currently long distance because I’m in graduate school 2 hours away from her. After I graduate in December, I am faced with some tough decisions. She wants me to move back home with her where she lives currently, and for us to get married and buy a house and start a family there. But I’m torn because I don’t know if that is what I want. I don’t know if I want to move back and get married to her. She wants to live there the rest of her life and I want to move out west to California and explore and travel more. I’m struggling with what I want to do because there’s benefits to both. I don’t wanna lose her, but I also don’t know if I want the life she wants. 

Update:

But I might want it in the future... so I’m struggling with how I want my life to unfold and what impact my decisions will make on my life and how I will grow and possibly regret the decision that I didn’t make in the future. I’m frozen in indecision 

7 Answers

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  • 1 month ago

    Maybe that's why you're in long distance relationship. 

    It tests you how far you can go while maintaining what you have.

    BTW I know couples who live like that.

    Distance is merely the measure for your trust to each other.

    There are long distance relationships similar to your situation that are fine, and there are couples who live in one place and watch each other's step. 

    Pay attention to how you feel about her. 

    What appears to be a very strong feeling, very well may be an indication of what could happen. 

    So immerse yourself into the best case future scenario and into the worst case future scenario. After that accept it, sit with it and observe if anything changes. 

  • 1 month ago

    Well first thing you have to do is get a job after graduation, that could be a different state, explain to her and also tell her how you feel and think, be honest and upfront always. 

  •  for starters its a long distance relationship so its not like you're in a real relationship anyhow. don't sweat it. you know what you should do. break it off with her and move westward. You don't even have to tell her until after graduation so as to spare her feelings for as long as possible.

     don't worry about what she wants because in due time she'll want what she wants with some other guy. you're not that guy. so ..... for once in your life put yourself number one because if you don't no one else will.

  • 1 month ago

    Take a trip after you graduate and spread your wings a bit. The average age for a groom in the USA is 29.8, the average age for a bride is 28.9. Take a trip for yourself and look around while you make up your mind listening to your own voice in your heart and ear. 

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  • MissA
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    So you know who you should tell this to?

    Your GF.  I mean a) she deserves to know how you're feeling and b) if she doesn't know she can't decide how to react.

  • lala
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    You answer your own question 

    your  words ;;; I do not know if I want to married her 

    Well its clear that you not want this life style for a good while 

     and if she love you  she will wait 

    plus i find your gf very posesive and controlling 

    She is already give you orders 

    Note Do not loose the chance to travel because it will  never come back 

     also I can tell you after 54 yrs of marriage that you D O KNOw when you  are ready to marry 

    Good luck 

  • T J
    Lv 6
    1 month ago

    You tell her, you are going to try out CA, it is something you must do. You are not ready to settle down in a town where jobs are limited with crap pay and try to raise a family. If you have to break up, do it.Do you eve know hr anymore? to be able to get married? you have been separated for some time, people do change.

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