Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Society & CultureLanguages · 1 month ago

How does this text read in English? Does it sound natural?

The second episode is about Ted’s love for Robin. He seeks every occasion possible in order to meet her and in so doing, he comes up with organizing a party among friends. One reason for organizing an evening-party is that Robin likes casually made encounters with people. Therefore, he invites her one day in a supermarket to join them on that same evening. Nonetheless, she will not come. The following day, Robin calls Ted up to explain the reason for not being there and to apologize. Subsequently, Ted organizes a second party on that same evening. Even this time, she will not show up. The following morning she calls up again to apologize and Ted seizes this situation to organize a third party on a row. On that evening, she unexpectedly shows up. After some hesitation, he decides to go speak to her on the roof. Here they kiss each other but then Robin shows hesitation, as well. She prefers not to be in a couple with Ted because she wants to avoid hurting him. Ted does not care and at the end, they go to drink a bier together.

Update:

It's a resumee of the second episode from the series "How I Met your Mother".

Update 2:

@Rocklt: excuse me, what should I do to write a good writing?

5 Answers

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  • 1 month ago
    Favourite answer

    It’s technically correct, but slightly too formal for the subject matter; so it reads like a court document of a comedy episode. 

    But that said, I agree with the other answer: if English isn’t your first language, this was a very good effort. I haven’t seen that show in ten years, and still recognized the episode from your summary. 

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    Usually 'Robin' is a male name. The female version is 'Robyn'.   Is 'Robin' really the version used for a female in that series?

    There are too many examples of non-native writing in that piece to be able to tell you about every one. Frankly, I would need to re-write the whole piece.  Except for the first sentence, every sentence is non-native, most are not even 'almost natural'.

    Try to find a native speaker to help you face-to-face.  I am sorry to disappoint you about your work, but I feel that your teacher has let you down badly.

  • 1 month ago

    In a few places here you use unnecessarily complex or indirect language to describe simple things.   I would suggest that you use Simpler language to make your ideas more clear.

    For example you wrote:

    The second episode is about Ted’s love for Robin. He seeks every occasion possible in order to meet her and in so doing, he comes up with organizing a party among friends.

    But all of that could be said in a simpler way:  

    Ted was determined to win Robin over.  He organized an entire party for the sole purpose of getting robin alone.

    Do you see how the reader can easily grasp on to the meaning of those words without having to figure it out?  This is how you engage the reader.

    Try to make short declarative statements about the characters actions and motivations instead of describing the episode's plot.   It will be more memorable and effective.

  • RockIt
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    "on a row" should be "in a row"

    "not to be a couple" is an odd expression that wouldn't be used.

    "bier" is "beer" the alternate spelling is unusual.

    resume not resumee

    It sounds natural enough.  Its a little wordy.  Its not good writing.  But, its good enough.

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  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    * beer not bier *

    * resume not resumee *

    Well done if English is not your first language, something I can relate to & why I answered 

    to your post to help a little. I am just not sure why you posted in Politics - might want to try 

    " Languages " or " Homework Help " instead. If yahoo has a tv show category, post there; maybe someone in there will have seen the episode you're writing about - I myself have not.

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