john asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 3 weeks ago

How do you deal with toxic parents?

My mum died of cancer 4 years ago, so now there is no one to calm my dad down when he gets angry. He belittles everything I do and criticises every decision I make. He shouts at me in situations where I am not even part of the reason why he is angry. He compares me to himself and says how **** I am. He has been unemployed for 20 years yet still has so much pride. I have been avoiding him for the past couple months and only responding to when he says ‘hello’ or ‘goodnight’. I tell him nothing about my life as I want to avoid every interaction possible, he makes me feel terrible. I am getting straight A’s in college (uk) and he makes me feel ****, comparing me to himself and saying how he was getting A*’s. He has said numerous times how he does not care about me, yet gets angry when I ignore him. He sends me abusive texts, for minuscule things, for example leaving a shirt on a sofa. I don’t know how I can survive any longer, my life at home is miserable as I spend it trying to avoid him. I have very little savings, I want to go to uni but I want to stay at home so I can save some money, while paying rent of course. However I don’t know how long I will be able to be resilient  and take the abuse he gives me. I cannot talk to him about how he makes me feel as he will not listen, he will get angry, I have tried before multiple times. I don’t know what to do.

3 Answers

  • 2 weeks ago

    Check with Uni about local accommodation.  Check near your home for people who want lodgers and find out if you can afford the rent.  Get yourself an evening job to help you financially.  You don't say how old you are.  Check with the YMCA to see if you could get accommodation with them.  Once you are of age - you can stay with dad or leave him to his own devices.  As the relationship is toxic, leaving seems to be your best plan of action.  His dole money will support him and he'll be better off financially if he no longer has to support you as well.  Better to pay more and live a happy life than pay cheap rent to live in a toxic environment.

  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    3 weeks ago

    maybe you should move out

  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    3 weeks ago

    If his personality has only been this way since he lost his wife it could be that he's still going through dysfunctional grieving and could benefit by talking to a professional about that. 

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