Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 3 weeks ago

How do I find motivation to do schoolwork when I don't have any motivation to live?

I'm currently in High school and deeply unmotivated, I come from a large poor family struggling to make ends meet. My parents rely on benefits because they are unwilling to get a job, my mother had her first child when she was 16 with a man significantly older than her. A few years later they divorced due to abuse; forcing her to live with her father in a very small house with my siblings and I. We moved into a new house a few years ago and the house has slowly been deteriorating due to my family's unwillingness to take care of our house. I feel ashamed of my family and the way they live, I never invite friends around due to embarrassment and I never tell my friends any of my feelings in fear of their judgement. The only people I can relate to is my own family, I try to tell my mum the way I feel to look for help but she doesn't care and sees it as me being rude. My step dad is an alcoholic and I've never had a good conversation with him. This has lead me to being almost completely independent, I never tell anyone anything personal, I just bottle it up inside. The only person I have to talk to is myself. I can barely concentrate on anything because I'm constantly talking to myself in my head. I'm always either too happy or depressed with no in-between. I have no goals or ambitions and nothing to motivate me. I'm getting piles of schoolwork that I'm unwilling to complete. I know I'm ruining my future but schoolwork is too much for me right now and I just want to be happy.

Update:

It feels like suicide is the only way out at this point, I'm stressed as it is and schoolwork will just add to that stress making me more unhappy. But by not doing schoolwork I will just make myself unhappy in the future; leaving the same dilemma of wanting to end it all 

2 Answers

Relevance
  • 3 weeks ago
    Favourite answer

    I was in a situation similar to that when I was that age, and then I was temporarily homeless at the age of 19. The way I got out of it was adopting the mindset of being the best at whatever I do in life. My mother was the same way as yours, and guess what I did? Eventually I stopped feeling bad for her because at he end of the day, even if they're family, they're still just another human being. If they don't want to help themselves, I'm not going to waste my life helping them. I'm just going to build my life up without them, which is exactly what I did, because when you associate with losers, you become a loser yourself. Try not to worry about things you can't change. I know it's hard not to, but if you can't change them, then why worry about them? It does nothing to benefit you, and only hinders your progress in life. For the chosen ones, life is always going to throw you curve balls 24/7. How you deal with them is what makes you grow. Only regular Joes have an easy life. Do the best  you can in school, because it really does get easier after high school. Your time will free up and you'll be able to start focusing on what you want to do in life. I'd recommend since you are so young save up all the money you can living at home and try to get a decent entry level job, and never go through a period of time where you don't have money coming in. I wish I had known this a long time ago before I turned 25,  but money really does make the world go around. Now that I know the importance of having a good job and making money, I now have goals that keep me motivated. I'm going to be putting a down payment on a house in a few years once I'm more financially stable and ready to do so. What you think eventually becomes reality, so if you keep filling your head with all this negativity, it's going to influence all areas of your life for the worse. Keep your head up ALWAYS, don't let anyone bring you down because their decisions are not yours. You are your own person. Don't let your family define who you are, you can break that curse if you're mentally strong, and I know everyone has it in them to do so. Since you're in high school, let me introduce you to Jocko Willink. Of all the podcasts/youtubers I listen to, I think he would be the most beneficial for you at your age. youtube.com/watch?v=TkuGW6GRSKA

  • 3 weeks ago

    First off, don't beat yourself up for not doing what is nearly impossible for you to do, considering your situation.  For other people doing a good job on their homework might be difficult, but for you, in your situation it might be nearly imposible. So, just do what you can, as best you can. If you rush through your homework, the right way, you might find you can do 90% of it ok and it'll take half the time (I used to do that, when I had to). This may not work for you, or maybe it will, but don't beat yourself up either way, just do the best you can. Next, try to take it one day at a time, heck -  one hour at a time if you must.  Just try to do the best you can with whatever situation you are facing in the next day, or next hour, or next minute if that's what works. Just try to improve something, however tiny, every day and again - don't beat yourself up for trying and failing, you are doing the best you can. 

    Also, you are highly stressed and that's understandable, but what is really the worst that could happen if you completely fail at all your homework, your family situation turns to ****, and all else goes bad. I want you to actually, mentally, answer the question. You might fail out of school, your home life might be even more screwed up that it is, and few more problems might crop up - but so what. You can still get a job without a high school diploma. I'm not saying the diploma wouldn't help and not to do the best you can, but if you did, worst case, fail out of school, it really wouldn't be that bad, you could struggle on at a job that didn't care and still try to better yourself and move on with your life. The same goes for all your other problems, things could get alot worse but not really that much worse. 

    My point is, go ahead and do what you can but don't stress so much over it all and its certainly not worth comtemplating suicide over. However bad you have it, others have it way worse but they struggle on as best they can and even go about their struggles with less stress and a better view of life, not because they have more options available (they have less) but because it isn't stressing them as much, and it shouldn't.

    Best luck, I feel your pain and I've been in some pain myself (still am) but keep trying.  Keep on going and while it may not get better (at least not for awhile) it will get easier to handle and with incremental changes you can do so much if you keep at it.

Still have questions? Get answers by asking now.