What to do when we can’t agree on parenting? ?

I have a 7 year old who is showing strong behavioral issues. He is talking back, getting aggressive and doesn’t want to listen when being spoke to nicely & more then several times. Then finally when I’ve had it because he refuses to listen the correct way and I get loud & firm & strict on him & punish him or put him in time out, his father doesn’t like it and ALWAYS finds an excuse as to why our confrontation/blow up happened all because of me claiming it’s my fault in front of my son. He sees my son start crying after I’ve confronted him & he doesn’t like that of course & his dad will defend him every time and tells our son I am trash, to not listen to me all because I got our son in trouble when he should be in trouble. Dad never lets our son take ANY accountability, or any responsibility. No matter the situation it’s ALWAYS my fault. Dad isn’t even around us more then half the time as he is sleeping or plugged with his Xbox earphones and when he finally hears or sees us arguing he comes and just right off the bat goes toward my son hugs him and tells him to not listen to me. Then I wonder why my son doesn’t want to listen to me everyday when I am the person who wakes up my son for school, get him ready, feeds him, helps him all day with distance learning & works full time from home, cleans all while dad has been focusing on himself going through depression with headaches for 7 months and does literally nothing for our son but come defend him every time my son is wrong. 

11 Answers

Relevance
  • 3 weeks ago

    QUESTION:  Just how long do you want to be married to this loser and have him make your son into a criminal?

    Criminals NEVER take responsibility for their own behavior.  They usually have a parent who readily makes excuses for them.  And this becomes a lifetime problem.

    So, how long do you accept this disrespect from this "sick" man?

  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    3 weeks ago

    just talk to each other about it

  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    3 weeks ago

    You and your husband need to take a parenting class. 

  • 3 weeks ago

    The whole of society is like this.  Finding excuses.  Putting off punishments until it is so late that a very severe action becomes necessary.  You need someone from outside who you both respect to give advice. Unless you are united somehow then your child is being damaged.  Rule 1 is that you should never disagree on discipline in front of the child.  They can see that as weakness and the result is a disaster.  Whatever he does or you do needs to be discussed after the event and either with just the two of you or with the two of you and an independent moderator.  Any modifications to the discipline applies NEXT time and not retrospectively.  If the two of you cannot do this then you may just as well send him to juvenile detention now and save a bit of time.

  • What do you think of the answers? You can sign in to give your opinion on the answer.
  • 3 weeks ago

    What would happen if you left for two weeks? Found an old friend or relative to visit. Had something elsewhere that needed doing? Come up with one. Your husband needs to deal with his son on his own and figure out what you deal with and have a full two weeks to think about cause/effect and needs and requirements and job to be done. Remove yourself from the experiment and let Daddy figure some things out. Maybe you can figure out child care during his work hours for him (really tough during Covid-19). Or.. just take a night class or job something that requires you to LEAVE the house and leave Daddy alone with Son  every night 5 nights a week for at least 5 hours. You gone. Dad dealing with parenthood. Including dinner and bathing and bedtime. Dad doing it. Let it happen. Everyone learns something. 

  • 3 weeks ago

    maybe he should get some counseling

  • Anonymous
    3 weeks ago

    Your son needs a father, not a friend. Babying him and letting him do whatever he wants will only teach him to be an out of control brat. You need to start by having a serious conversation when you’re not mad or arguing. Tell him that you need him to back you up in your parenting, and that he should never undermine your authority in front of your son. It’s normal to have one parent that’s more strict and the other more lenient, but when it comes to important things he should back you up. If he doesn’t start parenting like a responsible father, I suggest counseling or parenting classes. Your bf is setting a horrible example. He is lazy and teaching your son to take no responsibility. I’d leave him since he’s not contributing to the household or teaching your son good lessons. You earn all the money, do all the housework, take all the responsibility of parenting, and he just sits on the couch and teaches your son to act like an entitled, spoiled brat. He’s just a burden on the household. If he brings nothing to the table, why keep him? If you kick him out, he’ll be forced to take responsibility for himself and will be setting a better example for his son. Right now, you just have another child to take care of. 

  • mokrie
    Lv 7
    3 weeks ago

    And you picked this man to make a child with. 

  • 3 weeks ago

    Wow. I don't mean this to sound mean, but I think you need some family counseling and fast. You need some professional help to make your husband see what he's doing to you and to your family, because it's not cool. I can only guess, but it sounds like he may have some unresolved issues from his own childhood and your - totally normal - parenting is upsetting him. He needs to deal with his issues and you need to be united in your parenting. He absolutely should not tear you down in front of your son or tell your son to ignore you. If he honestly thinks that you are being abusive or parenting badly, then that needs to be discussed with someone who can give you both an outside perspective. 

  • 3 weeks ago

    He's learning from watching his parents. This is clearly not a loving and caring environment that he's growing up in. Kids learn from actions, not words that you spew at them. "Half the time he is sleeping or playing xbox" This is the man you chose? Anyways... Any grown man spending his time sleeping and playing xbox has not realized what he wants out of life. It's never going to get better in my opinion, because realizing your true potential only happens after tragedy (like a break up, death in the family, accident, etc). He will continue living a complacent life for as long as he's with you.

Still have questions? Get answers by asking now.