Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 4 weeks ago

Would you attend your abuser's funeral? ?

I was raised by grandparents. Had contact with dad but he lives out of state so I only seen him about once a year. My grandfather molested me from about 3yrs old til 14. I told my grandma then. My dad as well. But my grandma blamed me. I was forced to cover myself and was degraded constantly. I didn't even wear shorts in public til 30 yrs old. Too much to add in here but I went through sexual (grandpa) mental and physical (grandma) abuse my entire childhood. Now he is on his death bed. Throughout all of this the ENTIRE family (who knows about it) has respected him more than me. My dad even went out if his way to visit him when he'd come. And had weekly phone calls. They all say, oh poor "Billy". It makes me feel horrible and unloved. When his funeral comes, my therapist says it could be closure for me. But I think seeing my family there paying "respect" to him and talking highly of him will hurt me more than his funeral itself. That being said, would you go? Or should I stay back and shun all the ones who do go. Because that would kind of be my last straw. So much hurt from everyone. I'm not close to any of them but my dad. And I don't even know why. Cause I've fallen back a Lil due to it feeling I have to force his love. It will kill me to see my dad at this man's funeral. But knowing they're all there either way will hurt, so do I go or no. 

6 Answers

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  • 4 weeks ago

    Funerals are to bring peace and closure to the living. Attendance is never a requirenent. Go, don't go, whatever feels best to you, and don't look back. And please do get counseling. It's never too late. Start by talking with a counselor at the National Sexual Assault Hotline:  800-656-4673.

    Source(s): Www.rainn.org
  • dman63
    Lv 7
    4 weeks ago

    You’re not obligated to attend his funeral, especially considering what he put you through and your family’s response to it.  Spend the time with a friend or by yourself doing something you enjoy.  

  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    4 weeks ago

    thats up to you but i wouldnt blame you if you didnt go

  • Anonymous
    4 weeks ago

    Only if you want to urinate on him.

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  • Anonymous
    4 weeks ago

    I don't think closure is high on the list of probable outcomes. It seems like "old wound being ripped open and nobody does anything about it" is far more likely.

    Stay away and do something good for yourself that day.

  • 4 weeks ago

    My! You would be completely justified in staying away. If you are asked whether you are going, say, "after what he did to me?!" and do something you'd enjoy instead. 

    Good Luck!

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