Anonymous asked in Politics & GovernmentLaw & Ethics · 3 weeks ago

Domestic Violence, I’m confused if I’m the victim or not. ?

I feel like I’m losing my mind, 

My boyfriend and I got into a fight a couple days ago (while under the influence of alcohol) and it escalated to physical violence - him putting his hands around my neck. to me hiding in the bathroom and calling 911. 

we both aren’t sure why the fight started but over something small. 

Who hit who first: we both don’t know. he said it was me. 

He choked me and had me pinned down for a good amount of time.  

What I remember doing?: I remember hitting him (slapping him in face) But I don’t remember who did it first! I don’t remember if he pushed me or had me restrained prior to the neck. 

I was eventually able to calm him down and said I needed to go to the restroom. I remember in that moment how scared I was but now, I feel like I wasn’t or for some reason my brain is trying to make me forget! Or alter the reality of the situation because this has caused me so much stress from him because arrested with a felony. 

There were no marks at the time and I know for a fact I was hysterical. I’m scared that he will be charged and I’m feeling crazy because of it! Because in the beginning of the relationship I was the crazy one! He wasn’t! 

I don’t feel I have a lot of support and I feel 50 percent responsible. I need to do what’s right I just don’t know what right is!

I told police I wouldn’t help and that i didn’t want charges, they said it doesn’t matter. 

He truly is a nice guy and I feel I’d fall back into depression if he gets charged. 

6 Answers

  • Yeti
    Lv 7
    3 weeks ago

    It's not your decision whether or not to press charges. Legally you're just a witness.

    It sounds like this may be a bit of a mutual problem, and putting his hands around your neck is considered serious, and usually will result in more severe charges. It's not just getting somebody off of you or away from you, it's potentially deadly.

    Anyway, if you're confused, you probably should try to engage some domestic violence counseling. Part of it obviously will be about being in a relationship with someone who puts their hands around your neck, and part of it may also address you yourself doing things like slapping. They'll need to get deeper into the dynamics of the relationship to determine if the DV is really just one sided, based heavily on who has the "control" issue.

  • Aiden
    Lv 6
    3 weeks ago

    Legally you can press charges and his crime would be significantly more severe, however both of you may have to take responsibility and suffer the consequences. Or without evidence both charges may be dropped.

    Mistake or not, this was violence. You assaulted him and he attempted to murder you in retaliation. The law is the law and actions need consequences otherwise it positively reinforces future offences. 

    From the sounds of it though, you want this whole thing to go away? Like you feel it was a mistake that happened when you were both drunk and both of you acted unreasonably which led to the situation escalating the way it did.That's how it sounds.If that's the case, perhaps your best option is to not press charges. Let it go. You might feel better about yourself with this.Police may pressure you to press charges, however you don't have to. If you don't press charges, the police cannot press charges on your behalf which is why the police are pressuring you to do it. Meaning if you don't press charges, no crime has been committed. So this whole thing can be dropped if you want it to be. And from the way you make it sound, this might be the ideal solution for your conscience and for both of your well being. Mistakes can be made after all and permanently effecting someone's life over a mistake is no small matter. So perhaps you may wish to drop it.However, and I can't stress this enough, GET OUT OF THAT RELATIONSHIP.You probably feel like it won't happen again, like you hold a lot of responsibility for the situation. And perhaps that's true. But things should never have gotten to the point of violence in the first place. What if you hit him again? What if he does strangle you again? Will you be able to walk away and write it off as another drunken mishap? In good relationships you talk your problems through. If things ever get to the point of physical violence then you're clearly not suited for each other. Get out and find happiness somewhere else because you're clearly not good for him and he's clearly not good for you.Whether you choose to press charges or not, that relationship needs to go.

  • ?
    Lv 7
    3 weeks ago

    Choking you is not an acceptable response to you slapping him.  He will most likely be charged.

  • martin
    Lv 7
    3 weeks ago

    That physical violence can land a person in jail.

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  • 3 weeks ago

    Because victims of domestic violence are so often coerced by their partners into withdrawing their complaint,  you are very unlikely to be allowed to do this.  Moreover, if he pinned you down with his hands around your neck, you were certainly entitled to be afraid whether you slapped him first or not.   Nice guys never do this.  But it was very trailer park of you to hit him.  Stay off the alcohol.

  • Anonymous
    3 weeks ago

    Can’t tell for sure since I don’t know the situation.....

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