Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsFriends · 3 weeks ago

A friend is struggling financially due to the pandemic & comfort choices. She asked me about my finances & the amount I bring in.....?

So, my friend explained how hard things were for her then mentioned how much she brings in financially and asked if I was about the same...this after she expressed how she and many other people are struggling.....HOWEVER, I am single with no kids, paid off my car early(intentionally) 2 years ago, & live in a basic, no bells & whistles home(intentionally) for saving & rainy days. SHE, however, must have the lastest model Mercedes, kids must have designer, just bought a bigger house that friend's nicknamed the Taj Mahal a year prior, & when her fiance tries to tell her to scale back she always says he met her like she is and this is what she needs to feel comfortable.

Meanwhile, I want to set some type of boundary where she is not counting my money with me, meaning not comparing or Im not discussing my finances with her. What should I say? 

Reason: I consider it personal and it can lead to conflict as we clearly spend and view money differently. Example: I agree with her husband that they would be more financially comfy if she stopped spending like she does, especially since money they had coming in has changed significantly. 

6 Answers

  • J P
    Lv 4
    3 weeks ago
    Favourite answer

    Just say you'd rather not discuss. If your friend starts prying, you have to be strong and support your position with a known fact: Financial boundaries exist for a reason, because crossing them has ended many friendships. That having been said, sending an edible arrangement or soup and crackers gift basket is perfectly acceptable. (Sounds as though caviar should be in that or there may be some grousing ... .)

    Source(s): Had something like this with "church friends" (UGH)
  • Anonymous
    3 weeks ago

    Tell her, you do not discuss your finances with anyone, then change the subject.

  • Anonymous
    3 weeks ago

    politely say no comment..............

  • 3 weeks ago

    Explain in exactly the terms you gave above.  That you don't feel comfortable discussing your finances, as it can lead to trouble.

    It's her life, or perhaps, her family's life, but in any case, you should not be giving advice unless she asks for it.  Clearly, she has heard the recommendation to scale back already from her partner.  She won't change unless she wants to change.

    Decline to loan or give her any money if she asks.  Any help you give should be in the form of advice, and even then, only if she wants it.

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  • 3 weeks ago

    This is an easy one.  You answer her with "That is none of your business"  It is horribly crass (rude) to ask about someone's income   You are 100% correct, this is a personal matter. Just as it is improper for you to criticize how she spends her money, it is improper for her to ask any details of your own finances.  

    That being said, it sound more innocent to me.  She sounded like she was seeking empathy, as friends often do to gain validation.  Sometimes it is easier to do so to avoid the argument or anything approaching an disagreement. Maybe pointing out "these times are different and we have to adjust each of our lives" might be more appropriate.  Good Luck.

  • Sandy
    Lv 7
    3 weeks ago

    You say, "I believe money/salary are personal topics and I'm not comfortable discussing these things with other people/you".

    Repeat as often as necessary. 

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