Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 1 month ago

My best friend told me she in an open marriage, and I really fancy her husband. When I suggested sex, my best friend is acting funny with me?

We have been best friends for 22 years. I am 35, she is 33 and her husband is 35.

We talk on a daily basis, fell out a few times not been in touch all this time but for the past 6 years we have been talking everyday or so. 

She has been married 3 years, she met him on Plenty Of Fish. I have always fancied him, he's really good looking and is a real gentleman. We were talking the other week and she was just saying they like to "mess around" with other people. 

They have a site where they have been meeting with others for years, doing it safely and apparently it makes their marriage stable. We met up the next day, I mentioned that she knows I like her husband (I told her ages ago) and if she wanted I could sleep with him if she didn't mind. 

Well that was it, she got really annoyed and won't tell me why. 

It's been a week now, still ignoring me. I thought she would have calmed down by now, I don't understand what I have done wrong....

10 Answers

  • Iambi
    Lv 5
    4 weeks ago

    Well they may have an open marriage but you are a close friend she may feel threatened by you having sex with him maybe invite her to the party too! Could be great fun!

  • 4 weeks ago

    It's because you are a friend and you are around all the time. She is afraid of you two developing feelings for each other. It's not like the random chicks he meets online or whatever.

  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    4 weeks ago

    It's one thing to know your mate is having sex with others. It's quite another to have him dallying around with your friend. I'd stay out of this one. Let them do their thing with strangers so it doesn't get weird for you. 

  • MissA
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    "An open marriage" and "hey have sex with my best friend" are two very different things.

    Which you'd know if you had thought about it for two seconds.

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  • 1 month ago

    They might have an agreement as to how and who they "play around" with. Doesn't sound like it's with friends who are 100% capable of getting emotionally involved. More like they troll for strangers to play with. You've longed for her husband. That's personal. And it instantly elevated you to a dangerous person. She DOES mind, btw. She minds. 

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    Yes - it all can be confusing for those of us not in that lifestyle.  They have lines/boundaries that may not be obvious.  Just apologize for being a bit obtuse as to how their lifestyle works, and to please take it as a compliment and forget it.

  • J
    Lv 6
    1 month ago

    There’s a big difference between an open marriage and “go ahead and fûck my best friend.” She’s ok with her husband having meaningless sex with people she doesn’t know. She’s not ok with her friend screwing her husband. It would likely lead to a jealous mess of a love triangle. She doesn’t want drama in her life, and she doesn’t want her friend competing with her for attention from her husband. 

    If you wanna be friends again, you’re gonna have to apologize. Just tell her you overstepped and you now realize that asking to sleep with her husband was inappropriate. Tell her you would never do anything behind her back. If she does forgive you and become your friend again, she may always be uncomfortable letting you hang around her husband. 

  • n2mama
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    You can’t see the difference between a hookup with a random stranger for some agreed to fun and having a good friend who you know has been attracted to your husband for a while having sex? Really? She shared something very personal and vulnerable with you, and you turned into an opportunity to try and jump her husbands bones. Yeah, I’d be irritated too.

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    She does not want a friend messing around with her husband   she knows you have been hot for him for years.

  • 1 month ago

    Her open marriage doesn't include her friends. Best to back off.

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