Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 4 weeks ago

Having to share custody after a breakup?

I am having a really difficult time dealing with my current situation.  My wife wants out but she is so bi-polar and depressed I don't know what she really means.  The only time's she talks about leaving is when she gets deep in her depressed funk.

We have a 14 month old daughter, who is amazing, I can't wrap my head around not seeing her everyday.  I can't wrap my head around, eventually, some other guy getting to spend MY time with her.  Its eating me alive.

My wife is off her rocker right now, it comes in waves, every couple months she has a blow up.  She is diagnosed bi-polar and used to be medicated & in therapy but has gone off meds and she refuses to go back on or talk to a shrink regardless of how much I beg her.   

She blames me for EVERYTHING wrong in her life, takes no responsibility for her own feelings or emotions. If I disagree with her about something it stops becoming a discussion and turns into her just yelling and shouting over me, insulting me, and then getting angry and saying "You're so dumb I cant talk to you, this is why I can't talk to you"

She loves turn a small disagreement about whatever topic and snowball it into a big fight and then play victim like its all my fault. 

I'm really lost and I don't know what to do


I would like to add that I cheated on her in the past and that she was angry that I wanted to see a movie (that came out in 1980 and I can watch at home)

Update 2:

I would also like to add that I bring up her bipolar disorder whenever it is convenient in our argument.

6 Answers

  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    4 weeks ago

    If her mental health professionals can't get a handle on this maybe it's time to start seeing some new doctors. Even 14 months after birth it's still possible for her to be in a state of post partum psychological distress. This would be especially true if she went off of her bipolar meds during the pregnancy. It takes a while for those to kick back in when you start taking them after childbirth. 

  • 4 weeks ago

    Everyone claims things like this about their ex.  Judges are inured to it.  You have to firstly show that YOU can be a good and adequate parent.  Different countries have different laws.  You need local advice.  World wide the view is that a child NEEDS input from both parents.  In backwards (socially) countries the children are seen as possessions either owned by the father ( muslim) or mother (US).  Neither are seen as good for the children.  Judges have to decide what is in the interests of the child so hopefully you have already established a habit of taking your share of child rearing.  That, more than anything, counts.

  • Anonymous
    4 weeks ago

    You file for residential custody and ask that she have ONLY supervised visitation, a lawyer prepares the papers and you bring PROOF that she cannot adequately care for a child due to her health issues.  Mental health issues are no different from any other health issues.

  • Anonymous
    4 weeks ago

    wife is sick, you file for full custody, get a lawyer to help you. wife is mentally ill, fight for your daughter.

  • What do you think of the answers? You can sign in to give your opinion on the answer.
  • MissA
    Lv 7
    4 weeks ago

    You can petition the court for primary physical custody, and if she's really as unwell as all that it's probably worth doing it.  As a man you're likely to get it if you ask for it.  Talk to a family lawyer about your options.

  • 4 weeks ago

    You fight for custody of your child. I have known women who have lost custody of their children because of bi-polar and personality disorder and huge issues with their drugs. The mood swings can become addictive in themselves because of the power of the roller coaster and a lot of people prefer the roller coaster to the numbing of the drugs. She might not be able to take care of your child on her own. With the diagnosis and the medication issues, you'd win in a custody case. Plus, unless she was like this before the child, she might certainly be continuing in the throes of Postpartum Depression. It is a heartbreaking reality. If she's not seen a doctor for PpD, please make that happen. Fight for custody of your child. If you want out of the marriage. Otherwise? You might be years yet before you decide to file. But there is no reason for you to assume that she can, should, or would gain custody of your daughter. 

Still have questions? Get answers by asking now.