If your parents told you to “take some time off” from visiting them, would you ever go back?
I’m a middle-aged adult and my parents recently emailed to say that I should “take some time off” from visiting them.
I used to visit them for a few hours once a month but then, at their request, had stayed with them for two weeks total (separate weeks, with a gap between them) during the coronavirus lockdown.
I figure that I should not visit them again unless I am clearly invited.
If I question my mother about anything she does, she blows up and tells me that I’m “wrong!”
So I asked my mother what she meant by “take some time off”. She said that she said that but I was wrong to interpret it as meaning that I should take some time off; she just didn’t want me spending money on plane tickets. Or something. As expected, I was wrong.
- 3 weeks agoFavourite answer
My rule has always been if, for whatever reason, someone has asked me to leave their home, the responsibilty is on them let to let me know when I am welcome to come back. I once had a similar issue with a friend and his now former wife. On average, I would visit about two times a month, each for about between 1-2 hours. She would always start arguments, or do tricks like leave the room when I arrived, slam the door, and then call him into the kitchen, leaving me sitting alone for 20 minute intervals. (And this would happen when I would call ahead of time and get their permission to come over). But, whenever I stayed away, and she would happen to see me out in public, she would put on this act like, "Where have you been? We've been wondering about you!" Yet, she never formally invited me to come over. Let's just say, my friend now understands why I once stayed away for over a year, and he is a much happier person now that they are divorced.
It's your parents responsibility to let you know when you are welcome to come back. They were the ones who told you to quit visiting for a season. Don't let them put the guilt trip on you about this.
- Anonymous3 weeks ago
Love is unconditional. A virus could be just an excuse to use to keep you away. No matter what family seems to distant themselves from all contact. I do not know why they do it. My adult son never calls me. I have to be the one to call and when I do I feel as though I am bothering him. That can hurt. It makes you wonder do they love you. I know I question my son. He may have a wife and 2 children to take care of but what about his mother. I do not know your entire situation but they may have felt as though they were losing their independence. They may have felt as though you were making them feel as though they do not know how to take care of themselves. You may have intruded on their privacy. They may like to walk around in just their pajamas or lounge clothing. Unless you ate them out of their home. Do not let this get to you. I know it does me. I would begin to wonder if my son calls his in-laws more than me. Let them have their peace. I know it will be difficult even though time will heal all wounds. This probably makes you feel horrible and may be not. Let it go. Enjoy your life.
- 3 weeks ago
I hate to say this but your parents are right. They need a break from everybody.
- Neptune2bsureLv 53 weeks ago
If you are middle aged does this not mean that your parents are elderly? Maybe its because they are worried that you may have been in contact with someone who has the virus?
Maybe they feel safer if no one visits, if you are not living in their household full time you should stay away, or have drive by visits as are the guidelines for keeping loved ones safe.
Why did you not ask your mother at the time? We should all protect the vulnerable from this virus, this includes wearing face masks, staying away from loved ones, keeping your distance when out in public, you should know the drill by now.
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- 3 weeks ago
Yes, but would have a discussion with them about when and if there is a date to come back.
- AnnLv 63 weeks ago
I've had to "take some time off from visiting my mother" for 24 years and my dad for 6. He used to come to my house everyday, so I guess he's taking time off from us. I wish they could visit. You sound like a young, 20 something who hasn't grown since his teen years. It will be a sad moment when you are not capable of visiting them unless you go to their grave.
- twiigssLv 43 weeks ago
Sounds like my mom. I moved out from home when I was 19, and lived with my fiancee for 4 years. During that 4 year period I started having grand-mal seizures. We were arguing more than normal so I chose to move back home. Over time we grew apart, she breaks up with me through email and I've been living at home ever since. But it's by choice. If I have a seizure, there's someone there who can take care of me.
Anyway to answer your question, yes I would go back. They're your family, your parents. Without them you wouldn't exist. As you get older you'll begin to realize how unimportant a lot of things you care about today won't even matter.
But yea if it were me, I'd go back.
- car253Lv 73 weeks ago
Don't go back. Don't ask. Wait until she invites you.
- Anonymous3 weeks ago
Give them some time and space. sounds like they're both stressed out and fed up with the state of the world right now so they're lashing out. Wait for them to reach out to you. They're your parents so if they don't hear from you for a while they will eventually worry. If not, then three(ish) months from now reach out to them. Via email or phone call. Just tell them you want to visit for a day. If things don't get better then try to talk to them again and explain how you are feeling. Make sure to explain - in detail - the things they've done to make you feel this way. If that doesn't make things better then maybe you should distance yourself fromt hem for a while and focus on other relationships. Sorry to hear that your situation isn't great but hopefully it gets better.
- myfavouritelucyLv 74 weeks ago
Judging by the fact this isn't the first time you've posted this fake question, I'm guessing your mother knows what we now suspect.... you're weird and unwelcome.
- 4 weeks ago
I would not
Make sure you did nothing wrong, but also make sure both parents are well
People who passive aggressively set boundaries are not chased down by this blessing anymore