Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 4 weeks ago

Is it easier for a man to forgive another man for cheating on him than a for a woman to forgive a man?

I'm a gay man with a husband.  We've been married for 15 years.  I am 52 years old, good looking and I had a semi-sexual experience with a married straight coworker.  He's 30 years old and good looking.  He's also married to a woman and they have two kids.

My husband was out of town and so was my coworker's wife.  I mentioned to this coworker that I was having a problem with my garage door closing.  He offered to come fix it.  We started drinking and then he started crying and told me about something that had happened. I put my arm around him and he kissed me.

It came out of nowhere. At that moment, my husband called, and I told him that so and so was over.  My husband had seen him before and thought he was cute.  He said to me that I could do whatever I wanted with him as long as I told him the details later. I figured it wasn't cheating if my spouse knew.

My coworker asked if he could stay with me.  We slept in the same bed.  He wanted me to hold him.  We were both wearing only boxers which never came off.  There was touching and skin on skin contact but we didn't go all the way.  He stayed through the night.  I didn't really want to do anything but he literally begged.

I explained it all to my husband and he was ok with it.  But my coworker's wife doesn't want to talk to him at all.  What's the likelihood she will make up with him?  How long will it possibly take?  Also, he really looked up to me sort of as a mentor or father figure.  Can he and I get that back?

4 Answers

  • MissA
    Lv 7
    4 weeks ago
    Favourite answer

    I'd say in general gay male couples are more likely to tolerate, or even be completely happy with, a nonmonogamous relationship than straight couples are.  There's a lot of complicated reasons and history behind this but it's true.

    With that said it was incredibly, incredibly stupid for you to:

    1. Sleep with a co-worker

    2. While drunk

    3. Who is not "officially" gay or bisexual

    4. And is much younger than you so presumably less worldly wise

    4. And who it sounds like you are in a managerial or supervisory role JFC what the hell were you thinking this is something you can EASILY be fired or sued for.

    She may or may not take him back.  If he really is gay then he may ultimately not want to go back.   But you effed up big time here, dude.  You should back away from the sexy times, clarify with him that you're going to keep it professional from now on at LEAST until he's got his emotional house in order, and wish him and his wife well in wherever their journey takes them next.

  • 4 weeks ago

    Would your spouse be so generous if you'd taken a woman to bed? Kissed and fondled and cherished, for  few hours, a woman beside you? Sleeping embraced? A reality that might fundamentally change your spouses' concept of who you are? And what the future of your marriage might look like? Her life instantly became far more complicated. Yours didn't. 

  • Anonymous
    4 weeks ago

    If my gay partner cheated on me, he would be out the door with a black eye, and a divorce on its way to him.

  • Anonymous
    4 weeks ago

    You appear developmentally delayed. All the best to you, but I wouldn't focus on a writing career.

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