Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsSingles & Dating · 2 months ago

Still living together after breaking up, how to cope?

Can two people survive under the same roof if they were in a relationship for 3 years and then one person ended the relationship but they have to continue to live together for another 2 months? That’s the situation I am in and so far it feels painful and difficult. We are getting along ok for the most part but any discussion about the relationship seems to drag for hours and hours and my bf guilt trips me. If we lived separately it would have been so easy and it would help us both to move on. Being under the same roof makes it difficult and gives him a chance to go on and on about it. He doesn’t want it to end and keeps telling me so. I feel like even though I have ended it, he doesn’t respect that and still tries to act like we’re in a relationship. He keeps saying “I love you” and repeats it again and again wanting a response. It’s almost like bullying me into staying with him. I’m encouraging him to move out in 1 month and I’ll go the month after, as I want to live in a cheaper place anyway. He will be going back to his family home. How can I make sure there are healthy boundaries in place for the rest of the time here? It feels so harrowing like he’s trying to break me down. It’s daily comments and pressure. He is always panicking that I’ll meet someone else, that is his main preoccupation because he is insecure and obviously because I ended it even though he knows my reasons have nothing to do with anyone else.  

Update:

We live in a studio apartment (basically a small room) 

3 Answers

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  • Anonymous
    2 months ago
    Favourite answer

    Yes, it's survivable. Many have done it. Many have had to do it. Unfortunately, there's no out-clause in a lease contract or a mortgage for breakups. Also, it sometimes takes time to build up the financial resources and/or take time to find affordable housing after a period of having two incomes share a single set of expenses.

    I will say this, though, it can be very, very, very hard. I know, because I've done it. First, there's the constant temptation to backslide, to return to a relationship you already know doesn't work just because it's easier. People can waste years of their lives as a result. Second, there are often a lot of hard feelings, hard feelings that are hard to get over with that other person around and hard feelings come to the surface exactly because that other person is around, which means you're going to be sadder and angrier than you would be if you were able to separate, the latter of which, if you don't keep a lid on it, can go wildly out of control and you two can become quite uncivil towards each other, even abusive, so you've really got to make a pointed effort to be civil and not fall into that. Third, there's the issue of all the things that used to bother you still bothering you because that person is still around and chewing loud or squeezing the toothpaste from the middle or never doing the dishes or whatever, except you don't get any of the positive things, like sex, and there's the issue of things like jealousy, like are you going to be able to handle it if you see the other starting to date other people? If not, then maybe you need to set some ground rules that neither of you will date or at least never bring someone to your shared living space during this period.  

  • 2 months ago

    Other than NOT living together after you've broken up (somewhat bitterly), I don't know any other option, besides the status that you tell us it is in now, than you both agreeing to pretend nothing happened. He FEELS how he feels. I can't imagine one single reason he's still there besides he thinks he can change your mind. If you two agreed that, financially, the thing that made the best sense was that you both continue to live together, something's out of whack here. Why, then, must you two live together unhappily if it's the best thing for you both for another couple of months? Why did you make the decision to end it, break his heart, and STAY THERE with you two living together? The world is not all about money. Money and Misery.... there's a title for a TV show. 

    Sounds really hard for you both. He longs for you. You don't long for him. Be nice. As the old saying goes, "You meet the same people on the way up the ladder as you do on the way down."

  • 2 months ago

    Whatever it costs to break the lease is worth it in my opinion.

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