Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 1 month ago

Can a marriage survive if your families do not like each other?

I have been married to my husband for 8 years. I dislike his mom do to many things she did to try to make me and my husband fight (she is very attached to her son and has ruined her other children's marriages --so far not my marriage).

my parents hate my husbands mother (my mother in law) because of the things should would do to me ever since i married her son (in her eyes take him away).

my mom also recently has gotten upset with my husband now, due to the sheer fact that my husband doesn't put his mom and Place when she acts out to make me look like "i don't respect her" and fakes illnesses to make people feel guilty.. (my husband is afraid to hurt her feelings which is understandable ...

I have even gone as far as thinking perhaps  spending holidays alone with my family and letting my husband go to his moms separately...but the problem is we have a 5 year old and its not healthy for him  when we should be spending time as a family..

as a result, holidays are just me and my husband at home, because of we cannot mix our families together due to my parents hating my mother in law and his mom not liking me.

can a marriage survive if my family hates my husband's family, and if each others families hate our spouses? do we continue to celebrate holidays alone at our homes since we can't travel together to our families home due to conflicts?

3 Answers

Relevance
  • Nat
    Lv 4
    1 month ago

    I don't get why your families are hanging out in such an excessive manner. That's abnormal. They really shouldn't even know each other that well. 

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    Best to not see either family...Stay home and create memories with your child. no need to have headaches at the holidays. Or go on a holiday vacation and you do not need to deal.. Id never would see the trouble maker and if husband cannot fix him mom, maybe its time to send him home to her forever and divorce his mommy loving butt.

  • 1 month ago

    One of the many things that is happening here is that you two are telling tales out of school and feeling the ramifications of your own actions. You are telling your family what is happening and what you don't like about his family and what you don't like about your husband. WHAT? That's poisoning your own well. Total truth, you are poisoning your own well. You have put your parents in the position of doing what they'd naturally do.. support you against the enemy. Only, they only think your in-laws and your husband are the enemy because You've told them they are! He is probably telling his Mom what is hurting him at home with you and your child and his inlaws and how difficult young married life is and his family is doing what they'd naturally do... support him against the enemy. And in the doing, He is poisoning the well too. Marriages can absolutely survive this if the married couple STOPS poisoning their own well by seeking sympathy from Mommy and Daddy about the difficulties of adult life. The two of you stop it. Survive it, learn from it and stop doing it. Complain to a counselor, NOT YOUR FAMILY. Learn from an impartial trained counselor, NOT from the people who are absolutely totally without question going to take SIDES! In a marriage the side is US. That's it! The side is US. Not your family not his family not even your girlfriends.... THE side is US.  Start rearranging your thinking and the rest of this will settle down and start getting doable. Not a unique problem. It can be solved. The ONLY TEAM YOU ARE ON IS "US". Three people on that team; you, your husband and your child. Period. Make it so. Stop gossiping. 

    Many young couples with a kid or two begin their OWN traditions. Take a few family gathering holidays off and start your own family of "US" traditions. Stand your ground. You're grownups and have zero need to be pulled in different directions anxiously hoping to be obedient as a child to your parents. That's OVER. The most important family now is your family of "US". Take a few holidays off from trying to please the grandparents. Build your own home with your husband and child. Get your "US" going. It's more important. 

Still have questions? Get answers by asking now.