Anonymous asked in PetsCats · 1 month ago

"It's me or the cat" - boyfriend is choosing the cat. Advice?

A little background: My S/O and I have been together for 4.5 years. He moved across states to be with me. He has a cat that he has had for most of his life who was brought up here from his parent's house because this cat and another cat they had did not get along. The other cat passed away about a year ago. 

Now just to be clear, I am an animal lover. I have had animals my entire life, mostly cats. So it's not just a problem of me not liking/wanting cats. Here's the problem: this cat has no boundaries whatsoever. He jumps up on the counters, is constantly trying to get into cabinets to tear into food (his food OR human food), there is cat litter and hair EVERYWHERE all the time, and my S/O is always prioritizing him over me. When I say this, I'm talking about spending more money on the cat than he ever would on me (toys, expensive food, random things he doesn't need, but for my birthday he got me a pair of flip flops), sitting on the couch he sits at the opposite end with the cat literally laying on his chest while I sit alone, etc. The cat has become a significant problem in our relationship and I have grown to resent him. Even more, I am the one who cleans up after the cat-- not my S/O. Recently, I discovered that the cat has been spraying in our new apartment. I literally caught him in the act. (part 1 of 2)


After trying to fix the problem ourselves and taking him to the vet (there is nothing wrong), he is still doing it. I always told my S/O that if this ever happened I would not tolerate it. He always brushed it off and said it wouldn't happen. After speaking with his mother, I found out that the cat has always been bad about spraying and was told that I need to "just deal with it." I do not think this is fair to me as I am paying half the rent. (part 2 of 3)

Update 2:

The way I see it, there are 3 options: 1) He has his parents take the cat back. He would probably hate me for this and so would his parents IF they even agreed to take him back, 2) I stay and be miserable, or 3) I move out and our relationship is over. After talking with him about this, it seems that he would rather me leave and our relationship be over than deal with the problem. Any (kind) advice would be helpful. Thank you! (part 3 of 3)

Update 3:

Oh, and another thing. I am extremely allergic to his cat. I can barely even sit on the couch without breaking out into hives or having my eyes get all itchy and swollen. Despite everything, I have been a very good sport. But anytime I ever brought up the issues with the cat, I was gaslit big time into feeling like this was a "me" problem. I am drawing the line at the spraying. Would just really suck to throw away our entire relationship over a cat. 

Update 4:

To clarify: No, I did *not* know about the cat when we met. Like I said above, the cat came later in our relationship because his parents couldn't keep him anymore as he was too aggressive with their other cat. They brought him up here to live with my boyfriend out of necessity. Prior to moving in with my boyfriend, I was unaware that the cat behaved so poorly or urinated outside of his litter box. Hope that clears things up. 

40 Answers

  • 4 weeks ago

    Get rid of your boyfriend cus he obviously doesn't like you that much!

  • 4 weeks ago

    Good for the guy.. He hopefully will not change his mind before yo get pregnate and sucker him into staying with you.. HE NEEDS to run away and run away fast.

  • Anonymous
    4 weeks ago

    Hire a "fix-it" guy. 

  • 4 weeks ago

    Sounds like the BF has made it clear that hes chosen the cat over you.   Hes not even willing to make compromises and come up with solutions to curtail the behaviors or to help clean up after the animal.

    Get your name off the lease and GO

    As far as the answers about allergies..

    Its one thing to go from owning a properly managed cat to a poorly managed cat.

    A cat the leaves messes and sprays all over the house certainly CAN trigger such severe allergic responses..  Bear in mind that urine also contains allergens.    It may actually be something in the urine thats triggering such a severe response.

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  • 4 weeks ago

    thing is, if i wasnt feeling valued in a relationship, i'd be out of it

  • garry
    Lv 4
    4 weeks ago

    seems he likes the cat , you have a problem you caused , live with it , after all you gave him a choice in the first place , seems you dont like cats and he does .

  • Anonymous
    4 weeks ago

    Liar, you never owned any animals once in your life.  If you did, his cat wouldn't be a problem for you.  Make yourself useful and make him a sandwich.  

  • 4 weeks ago

    Sorry, not feeding trolls today

  • 4 weeks ago

    Why are you posting this anonymously?  I think this is a BS story and you're a TROLL.

    If this is a true story then how did you have cats all your life and yet now are magically "extremely allergic" just to THIS  cat? One can't go from having zero allergic reaction to other cats to "extremely allergic" to just one.  And hives?  Seriously?  What a lying drama queen you are.

    I think the true story is this cat didn't come from his parents it came from a former relationship.  Being an immature, uptight, controlling ***** of COURSE you want it gone.

    So just LEAVE.  He deserves better.  I'm sure he's tired of you mooching off of him and bitching about everything.

  • Merit
    Lv 4
    1 month ago

    I think ending the relationship would be the best thing for both of you. He clearly doesn't treat you well or see you as a priority.

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