Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 1 month ago

Controlling Husband ?

I have been married for 12 years and a SAHM the entire marriage. In the beginning I was allowed to have friends and go out for girls night, go shopping alone, text and call my friends. The last 5 years I’ve had to give up everything. I homeschool the kids, 3 meals a day, clean everything, laundry, make all the beds, deal with the pets, yards, cars, fix broken things around the house, etc... My husband works a not so demanding 7-4 job, I would say he gets off 2 hours early A LOT and either drinks with his work buddy or comes home drinks and demands sex or sexual favors. He does nothing, unless people are around or he wants to have sex. If he’s not pulling his dick out and telling me to suck it, or me waking up to him on top of me, he’s asking for me to get naked or send photos. He says sex is the only thing he needs to be happy. I have to offer sex favors to be able to do anything alone, to buy things for me/the kids. If I’m not giving it up there’s hell to pay. I beg for a break, time to myself, be able to breath. I’m told I had time during the day for that. I’m suffocating, I dream I get sick, or he gets hurt. Because I feel like those are the only way I will be able to breath again. That maybe if i get sick he will care and act like a husband again or if he got hurt I would free. I pray for his out of town jobs. It’s the only time I can smile or laugh and not get yelled at for it. I just don’t know what to do anymore. Leaving is not an option.  

Update:

I’ve begging for marriage counseling, he finds it funny. 

I have left him 4x. The last time he broke in and took all the kids, my stuff, and had my car towed. He left me with no way to pay bills. I had to go back. I have no family and I’ve never worked. I was also unable renew my driver licenses, he cut it up and we had moved to a new state. The only way to get a new one was to drive to the old state and get my driving record from the OMV and bring it back here. That was 7 years ago. 

Update 2:

So now when I try to leave... he threatens to call the police because I have no license, no car ins and the cars are in his parents name now, because of the last time. The car was in mine in his and when I called the police after he broke in and took everything the cop told him to bring it back. He said no, it’s 6 states away she can come get it all. It was a civil matter and the police really couldn't make him give the stuff back. 

4 Answers

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  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    1 month ago
    Favourite answer

    Yeah, that certainly sounds "controlling" at the very least. Hope he's not waving his d*ck around in front of the kids. You could try some marriage counseling if he's willing. Could be he's got some kind of sexual compulsive thing he needs some help with. If he's willing to compromise on anything it should probably be to get a house cleaner in once a week to help lighten your load. Also, I know it's not possible in some parts during the pandemic but most homeschooling parents find play groups and such where parents trade off taking responsibility so once in a while each parent in the group gets a break from the kids. If you're not willing to consider leaving then you'll have to get creative about ways to keep yourself from developing caretaker burnout. 

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    Find a way to get away from him...there are womens groups out there for abused women and you are one of them. reach out get help, even your family can help, but get away from him.

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    It sounds like leaving is the only card you have left to play. Your husband has stripped you of the powers you had, except for withholding sex or walking out the door. You guys need to see a therapist that specializes in marital issues. Use whatever power you have left to get him to a therapist and get this imbalance of power sorted out. You shouldn't have to live as you describe it.

  • 1 month ago

    Staying is not an option. 

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