Anonymous asked in HealthMental Health · 2 months ago

How should this person react?

Persons a,b,c & d are having a break in the tea room at work.

person a says to b & c, “we need to do something/catch up”

D isn’t asked, is this at all rude?

d is not rude.. so does not “invite themself”

a, b and c are friends and do catch up out of work..

d is not part of their “clique”

But is professional and appropriately friendly.. ie they “read the room..”

Should d be upset?

Feel left out?

Not worry?

How would you feel if you were d?


There is no conflict or hate.

D is just not invited

Read the question!

Update 2:

All at the same table

7 Answers

  • 2 months ago

    'Should D be upset?'

    D can feel upset all D wants. Emotions aren't practical. Be upset. Feel left out. Life is unfair and you're entitled to be bummed about it.

    D could bring it up to the other people. Even if they tell D to D's face that they didn't want D to be there, D will have some closure to the whole thing. Knowing for sure is better for the anxiety than wondering whether you're being sensitive or not. If they tell D that they didn't want D to be there, then D can accept that D is not over-sensitive, and may even get an explanation. If it's a bad explanation, they can conclude that A, B, and C aren't worth being friends with. If they tell D that they didn't mean to make D feel left out, they may invite D next time or, at the very least, apologize for making D feel that way.

    D sounds like someone who respects people's space. D shouldn't worry about thinking that they're over-sensitive (but if D does, then that's okay). It means D is someone who puts other people's feelings of comfort over their own, that D is conscientious. D needs to find people who value and respect that, and those people might not necessarily be D's co-workers.

  • 2 months ago

    What was D doing? Was D sitting at the same table as A, B and C? Or was A-C at the table while D was huddled in the corner or using the microwave? More information is needed to accurately answer.

    Edit: Since they were all at the same table, then this was rude. Person A should have at least acknowledged Person D in some way. Of course there is no obligation to invite D to catch up as well, but person A failed to acknowledge D when offering to catch up only to B and C. D doesn't have to be friends with any of them, but A should have at least not been so exclusive or at least added some buffer for D.

    D has a right to feel left out. Nevertheless, in a professional setting, D should not react emotionally, but should stick up for themselves. Depending on how D got along with A, D can lightheartedly interject with "does this catching up include me at some point too?" This would of course draw attention to A, and how B and C react would reveal a lot to D about all three of them.

    Or, if A did not get along well with D to begin with (although you already stated that there was no hatred or conflict), then D can simply excuse themselves, and as D gets up from the table and removes D's tea, D can say something like "why wait, I will excuse myself now so you three can do all the catching up you want right here",

    This would also send the message about A's rudeness.

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    I don't know why people are offended when they aren't invited to events with co-workers.  You're there to do your job, not socialize.

  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    i wouldnt like it, and maybe that person should find others to hang out with

  • What do you think of the answers? You can sign in to give your opinion on the answer.
  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    D is too sensitive, and should start taking tea breaks alone.

  • Cogito
    Lv 7
    2 months ago

    D is not their particular friend, so it's perfectly fine for the others to leave D out of the conversation.  D needs to grow up and deal with such situations.  

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    D is clearly hated by those colleagues and needs to suck it up and deal..

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