how do i communicate/ chat to a woman on facebook i like, i'm shy, unconfident and don't know what to say?

these are characteristics ive had all my life and ive never been successful with women or had a relationship in my life and now i'm early forties.

there is a woman on facebook, weve been friends for about a year, she accepted my friends request,  she is lovely i think, in her mid 50's and a natural redhead.......we have messaged each other for months now but i always take a very long time to reply to her messages...or talk to her because i'm not got self confidence, not got much self esteem...and are very shy and not self assured.

i'm worried that this lady has lost interest in me now, i saw earlier, i got a notification on my phone that she shared another mans post on facebook....and i felt jealous and upset because i like her a lot but just don't know how to proceed with her?

i'm a male in my early 40's, i deal with a personality disorder and have also never found any friends in life, so i'm technically all alone apart from the support of my elderly parents who live distant from me.....so i don't have any other perspectives on things.

id appreciate your help and how i can simply talk/message to this woman i like and not feel so shy, unconfident and scared?

im also frightened of rejection, i think thats why im so shy and not confident.

thanks.

1 Answer

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  • 1 month ago

    Most people are frightened of rejection, but we all get rejected a number of times in our lives, and eventually we get things into proportion. 

    Personally I feel that face-to-face is always better than on anything else. To be liked, generally, it helps to be more interestED than interestING. Listening is good for making friends: ask people questions about themselves and their opinions and listen to them without interruption, except for little comments that demonstrate that you're REALLY listening. It shows you are taking them seriously, as in respect and acceptance. Don't sit there thinking about what you will say, because that shows more interest in yourself than them. Little pauses demonstrate that you are thinking about what they have said anyway. You can ask them how they felt about what they have just told you, or other specific questions to show you have been listening and taking them seriously. Be open minded and try not to disagree with people. For example, if they like a band you hate, ask what it is they like about them, best track, etc. (avoid the word, “why” as it can sound challenging). You can always say you don't listen to them much but you will now or something. Asking for advice is also good. Genuinely, of course, & don't overdo it. Ditto information – we feel pleased to tell someone something interesting they did not know, such as what’s on in town, latest sports score, etc., so by showing interest in their opinion, knowledge, etc. you’ll get some good feelings from them. Smiling is a good sign of acceptance. A lot of eye contact can also be good. Remember, if you want to have a friend, you have to BE a friend, and the best way to impress someone is to be impressed by them! One thing you can do is always to ensure you have a straight back: sit, stand and walk tall (hips forward) and take reasonably long, confident strides when you walk: this has the “reverse psychology” effect of helping us to feel more confident. Once we have self respect and a sense of self worth, we tend to find that other people respect us more too. Good Luck!

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