Do you tell your spouse everything the minute you know it?

My wife has this issue to where she feels that we should just always be in constant conversation and that I should just want to have "random" conversations with her.  My biological daughter is expecting her first child next year and we've been throwing names around.  In texting with my oldest adopted daughter yesterday she and I we talking about names.  This was early in the day yesterday.  After our conversation I went back to work and forgot about the conversation.  Later in the day my daughter stopped by and this was my conversation.  "Oh, me and (insert name) were texting today and she suggested these names."  My wife was standing there so my daughter and I talked for a few minutes then I went back to doing what I was doing.  About an hour or so later I sat down for dinner and my wife said, "It would really be nice if you would have those conversations with me like you do with your daughter."  I completely forgot want was going on so when she told me about the names I told her my mind was on other things and I forgot.  I didn't remember till my daughter walked in.  My wife thinks I should have had the conversation with her before my daughter came over.  That shows I care and want her to be a part of everything.  

So this morning I had to run to the store to return an item I purchased then I stopped by McDonalds for some coffee before I headed home to work.  The minute I walked in to told her every thing that happened at the store and everything that happened


at McDonald's.  How much do you tell your spouse during the day?  Do you give them a play by play of everything while you're not together so they can feel included or do you tell them things as you remember them.  I told my wife that she doesn't always tell me things the minute they happen so why am I expected to just run to her every time I do something or have a conversation with someone else so she can be in the loop?  Am I wrong here?

Update 2:

@ Jerry,

My wife feels that I should have came to her FIRST after discussing it with my adopted daughter and told her the names FIRST.  Waiting till my daughter got there and then remembering it made it look like I didn't value my wife's opinion or status in the family so she felt left out.

Update 3:

@ Anon....,

No, my wife and I don't have any kids together.  Again, my daughter is from a previous relationship and my "adopted" daughter is someone I helped rais after her father was killed when she was about 3 yrs old.  She's 28 now and has called me daddy since we can remember.  I prioritize things in order of importance.  And baby names slipped my mind when I went back to work and started on other things.

5 Answers

  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    My spouse and I are lucky if we get 20 minutes a day to confer on the really important stuff, like taxes and major expenditures. But you dated this woman before you married her so surely you knew what you were getting yourself into. 

  • 1 month ago

    You don't need such a long story.  The answer is YES.  Yes and yes.  There is nothing that I think or feel that isn't communicated.  Most times she knows it before I do.  Every day several times we start to say exactly the same thing at exactly the same time because we think together.

  • 1 month ago

    My husband is the greatest secret keeper on the planet. And he has zero interest in gossip of any sort so random "fill in" conversations are not common here. Mostly, he just forgets. Not intentionally shutting me out. I've gotten used to it. 

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    First, a question.  You keep talking about "my" daughters.  Are these with your wife or are they stepdaughters to her?  Part of the reason I ask is this almost sounds like a competition.  Either way, though, your wife sounds insecure or even clingy.  That's not fun.

    To answer your question, my spouse is a physician, so things often have to wait.  Oddly, it's him who is more communicative about daily stuff than I am.  This might be because his work fascinates me, whereas mine is of less interest to him.  Also, both of us loathe texting convos, which I actually think is a good thing.  (What I mean is, we use it frequently for minor practical stuff, like "I'll be an hour late getting home".  We do not use it to talk).

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  • Jerry
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Do you tell your spouse everything the minute you know it?

    Goodness no. Marriage is no excuse for that kind of oversharing. I'm constantly begging my husband to omit what is neither relevant nor interesting, to get his thoughts into order first rather than "thinking out loud" with no clear idea of what he is seeking to communicate or why. I want to be free to think my own thoughts, not have his thoughts constantly intruding on me. 

    Sorry, but I'm not sure I understand the story about the names. Excuse me if I've misunderstood, but seems to me that if your wife were all that concerned about being involved in discussions of baby names she'd be having those discussions with the mother-to-be, possibly the father-to-be, rather than with you. If you're not a satisfactory middle man, then she can eliminate the middle man, you know? 

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