V-- asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 5 months ago

Toxic Mom won’t tell me who my father is ?

I’m in my late twenties and within the past 5yrs I’ve been searching for my father and his side of the family. My mother refuses to tell me. Whenever I ask she gives me different names and tells a different story each time. My mother had me at 15. I was told by my aunt (younger sib of mother) that she was very promiscuous and hid the pregnancy. I asked my mother recently and she told me that she doesn’t remember and it’s a possibility she was r*ped. I figured that might’ve been a reason to not tell me however I ask again she tells me she has a photo of my dad and even my aunt told me she does but can never find it? Why would you have a photo of someone who r*prd you and keep the photo?I even went out & bought the ancestryDNA kit & it only gave me 2nd-3rd cousins. I contacted them but they are too distant from my father due to great-great-great grandparents and name changes. I am also biracial and growing up I’ve never knew who I really was and my culture. I don’t know names or first names or anything. I spoke to her recently and she acted as if she didn’t know how to use the internet to find a private investigator or geneologist. She’s married to my stepfather whom she put above me at a young age and started a family with him (my sister) whenever I ask about my father she acts like it’s a threat to her? Why won’t she tell me? Also, she makes enough to hire someone. I cannot afford an investigator at this moment. 

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  • 5 months ago

    My take on your dilemma is that your mother really does not know who your father is. I come to this conclusion based upon how your mother has given you such a range of answers to this critical question. Using rape as an answer, then changing who she says your father is suggests, strongly, that your mother has no true knowledge of who fathered you. 

    From her perspective, and that of your family, this is a huge embarrassment as not knowing who impregnated her states to everyone that she was a promiscuous woman who slept with anyone and everyone, leading to the birth of a fatherless daughter. 

    I'm sorry that you are in this situation. 

  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    5 months ago

    maybe you should check to see if ancestry.com can help you

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