Anonymous
Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsMarriage & Divorce · 1 month ago

What is the worst mistake a parent can make in a divorce ?

Update:

For example I am truthful with my kids in telling them their father left us for Karen (his mistress, no fiance I hear). I also put them first by not letting them be exposed to him and his dishonest actions. However, someone told me I was supposed to sugarcoat it and pretend he loved them. Leaving us is not loving them. 

    

Update 2:

So what is the worst mistake in a divorce a parent can make? Is it wrong to be truthful with them about their father? I only give them the truth, I don't make up abuse allegations or anything like that. 

15 Answers

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  • Pyrus
    Lv 6
    1 month ago
    Favourite answer

    Leaving the kid behind, potentially making them grow up without a mother or a father (depends on who the parent is). 

  • 1 month ago

    Truth always prevails ! ... No sense in hiding anything from our beloved  relatives .  .. All problems get solved as the time heals all the wounds - if confessed on very first opportunity ! :)

    Also its always better to consult someone elder well-wisher in the family !

  • 1 month ago

    "truth" is heavily coloured by the personal opinion of each partner.  Not letting them be exposed to him is the worst possible "mistake" that you could make.  I put mistake in inverted commas because I consider it to be a crime against the children.  Something where you are needlessly harming them for your own purposes.  Once you start interfering with the relationships of the children you lose all credibility as a parent.

    The alternative is to simply point out that you and he have had such disagreements that you cannot live with each other.  And leave it at that.  Make it clear that the problem exists with the pair of you and no more.

  • 1 month ago

    Do not prejudice your children against their father. The relationship that has failed is the marriage between you and him. You should encourage the father and the children to have a relationship. If he is a bad father or can not act amicable towards you THEY will figure it out, ON THEIR OWN and in DUE TIME. You should not deny the children their father because the marriage failed. I know you are hurting right now but your children will resent you later for talking bad about your ex-spouse. You may be aware of every fault that your ex is committing but your children are only children and cannot mentally or emotionally digest the reality. Don't make your problem with him their problem. Seek peace and it will come back to you. Your children will thank you years from now. Be patient.

       

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  • 1 month ago

    Teaching their children evil things about their other parent. 

  • MissA
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    I mean, short of  murder or abandonment?

    Probably making the child into a confidant.  It is NOT their job to provide emotional reassurance and support to your adult ***.  You have problems with your ex, you're angry, you're hurt?  Tough.  Get a friend or hire a therapist.  Don't burden the kid with trying to fix those adult problems.

    I'm not saying you have to lie.  If you're leaving your partner because they were abusive or unfaithful, for instance, you can tell the kid the truth.  But your explanations of these things should be as simple, age-appropriate, and factual as you can manage.

  • 1 month ago

    Some believe that children have plenty of *reasons* to hate bad people ... but using a child as a tool means one day the child will be nothing but a tool. In addition, if one parent has been immature, this sort of punishment may mean that the parent gives up and never grows up, never makes amends to the offspring--depriving the child/ren of a great lesson and more love. Everyone wronged in a marriage should simply tell the whole family, even the two-year-old, that all the wretched people on the planet (except for the one "good" parent, of course) are sinners and not good enough for them. Now the next generation has been reduced to nothing but the unfeeling, inanimate arsenal of one parent's personal war. Which is just as well, because if they have feelings, they'll feel used and will be looking for anyone who will become family by using them, or some activity/substance to abuse. Not the worst mistake, but perhaps one of the worst mistakes possible in a divorce.

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    I don't usually use this format to answer questions, but it works here.

    "I am truthful with my kids in telling them their father left us for Karen"

    What?  The goal isn't to be truthful . Also, he didn't leave "us".  He left YOU.  Your goal should be to make sure these kids understand this and that none of it is their fault.  It's a problem between you and him. 

    "I also put them first by not letting them be exposed to him"

    Do you know what happens when kids grow up and one parent is this selfish?  They end up hating that parent and becoming close to the other.  Unless there's abuse or drugs involved, you should be doing everything in your power to ENCOURAGE a relationship with him.  He's their dad, right?  And they are victims in a war between you and him.

    "Someone told me I was supposed to sugarcoat it and pretend he loved them. "

    What makes you think he doesn't?  I'm not defending him, but you're forgetting your role as a mom.  Take your hurt and anger to your friends, not your kids.  Keep emphasizing that their dad loves them, but sometimes mom and dad can't live together any more.  This divorce will be incredibly painful for them, and you aren't helping.

  • 1 month ago

    Using the children as a weapon against the other parent.

  • A
    Lv 7
    1 month ago

    Children need to be put first, you should never tell a child their parent does not love them.  If that is true they will figure it out.   It is cruel to involve children in the details of the divorce.

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    🥴 Try not to focus on talking about him while raising. 

    Tell them the truth once and never again. 

    Harping on it too much will either make them resentful of you and favoring him? Or it will push them to want to move in with him. 

    Which I don't think would be a bad idea. In relieving you of your stress.

    From now on, see them as your kids and not his. This will relieve whatever accidental resentment you may have on your kids because they are half his.  

    Don't take money from him and try to gain full custody.

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