Am I old enough to know my gender?

My mom has told me that she’ll support me no matter what but recently told me that I’m too young to know my gender identity (I’m 14) so I feel like she’s lying/won’t actually accept me even though she was the first to support my aunt. I tried explaining it to her but my dumbass can’t explain ****.

I also have autism and a LOT of social anxiety so that doesn’t help.

I’m currently identifying as Genderflux which means how female I feel varies in intensity so I’ll usually describe how I feel with girl demigirl or agender.

However, my mom says that all girls don’t feel “girly” all the time and I tried to explain that I didn’t feel like a girl, like I have no gender. I don’t have any explanation besides just knowing (or at least any explanation that wouldn’t cause even worse social anxiety)

Like sometimes I feel my chest is too big and sometimes it’s not big enough. I don’t own a binder but I do practice (SAFE!) binding methods. I feel happier and more me when I bind.

My mom also said that changing pronouns is too hard. When I use she/her pronouns on some days I feel fake. I’m not sure how people don’t see me flinch every time they use the wrong pronouns. I don’t know how to deal with this.

I want a binder but A) I feel kind of uncomfortable asking for one after that and B) they just paid a ton of money so I could redesign my room and feel greedy asking for one. But I just have NO idea what to do about this. Thanks to anyone who read this whole thing. 

8 Answers

  • Sky
    Lv 7
    2 months ago
    Favourite answer

    This is like one of those Family Circus cartoons where one of the perpetual toddlers says something like, "Mommy, am I cold enough to wear a coat outside?"  YES you are old enough to know your gender.  Parents and other adults are always so condescending about things like this; if a boy was to say, "I am a boy," or a girl was to say, "I am a girl," they'd never question it or claim the kid is too young to know that.  But as soon as a boy (ie. someone biologically male) says, "I am a girl," or a girl (someone who is biologically female) says, "I am a boy," those same adults will claim the kid is too young to possibly know their gender identity, is confused, etc.  Fact is, there have been many confirmed transgender people who knew they were transgender and expressed that fact as young as 2 or 3 years old, whenever they were old enough to talk and had the comprehension of gender.  The same goes for sexual orientation; adults never question it if their kid expresses heterosexual tendencies, but if their kid expresses any homosexual attractions the adults claim the kid is confused, is too young, couldn't possibly know what sexual orientation is, etc.

    What you need to do is start making contact with other transgender people, transgender support groups, and in particular those geared towards younger trans individuals.  They can give you firsthand advice and can help get you in contact with a gender identity counselor who can help you figure out and understand your gender identity (I've never heard of "genderflux", but I have heard of "gender fluid", which is just what you describe).  I don't know how much they'll be able to help you since considering the position you're in it would be online and for free, but any help is better than none at all.

    Here are a couple links I found with a quick search that you may find helpful.

  • 6 days ago

    2 yr old know they are trans you idiot twit

  • Koi
    Lv 6
    1 month ago

    Many autists become trans for attention. The main symptoms of autism is wanting to be the centre of attention. 

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

     "I tried to explain that I didn’t feel like a girl, like I have no gender."

    THIS IS HOW EVERYONE FEELS.  You have been lied to. Girls don't "feel like girls" and boys don't "feel life boys." Nobody "feels like a gender." This one of the worst most destructive confusing lies they're teaching kids. You are 100% normal. I am exactly like you. And no, you shouldn't get a binder because they damage your chest/back. They are unsafe. Try a sports bra.

  • What do you think of the answers? You can sign in to give your opinion on the answer.
  • 2 months ago

    Most of us by age 14 know what we are about. 

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    "Am I old enough to know my gender" identity, at 14.

    The simple answer is, Yes.....  But, there's a But in that.....  

    If you're talking about a social transition that's one thing and you're not to young at all.  A medical transition, is different, you could get puberty blockers at 14, but only after much time in therapy for diagnosing and exploration of gender, so in reality you probably wouldn't see blockers till 16-17, and hrt at 18+, at best.

    In either case, a good gender therapist experienced in trans issues without a political or religious bias is highly recommended.

  • 2 months ago

    You sound like a typical mixed up teen.

    You know your gender by about the age of 2 or so, so, if you were transgender, you would have known for a long time.  You are in the middle of puberty, which is making massive changes to your body as you transform from girl, to woman.  Hormones are messing things up - which is perfectly normal.  In fact, you ARE female, regardless of how you feel.  If you can accept that, you will have an easier time with all the changes happening in your body.  And, brain, for that matter.

    Even though I am male, I had to wear a binder after a heart operation, and, they suck!  You are much better off without one.

  • Barry
    Lv 5
    2 months ago

    Why don't you try not to obsess about your gender? Your gender is already decided. That happened in the womb. You are still developing and that includes your brain. I expect when you have finished growing and your hormones have settled down your sexuality will not be an issue. If it is you may need counselling.

Still have questions? Get answers by asking now.