Anonymous asked in HealthMental Health · 2 months ago

How do I overcome the fearful regret I have from past job which I was terminated from for misconduct? Its like a trauma to me?

Hey guys

I hope you are well today and things are going ok.

Now to cut a long story short, I worked as a bar staff at wetherspoons 2 years ago to get by during studies while in London temporarily.

After about 2 months I was fired as customers complained about my inappropriate flirting and going too far with it, which I hold my hands up as being totally wrong and out of line.

I was giving 2 warnings and it still happened as well as making a homophobic remark which came out the wrong way when I was joking with a colleague.

Trouble is I am diabetic and feel a lot of these mistakes were not because of that but it played a massive apaprt as when u r hypo could say wrong things that I most definitely would not do or say normally.

Trouble is, now I'm in a good job as an engineer and health has I moved, but whenever the fleeting memories of what happened there pop up I feel like crawling into myself and feel almost sick with worry.

Obviously a lot of it could be farfetched now, but I have a feeling of fear like what if this was brought up in the future or my current employer found this out, it would be disastrous.

I seriously don't know what to do about it and it feels like a trauma which is even worse as I'm the cause of it.

Please help I feel so bad and scared.

13 Answers

  • 2 months ago
    Favourite answer

    What you are feeling isn't fear- it is regret. Regret for things said or done (intentionally or otherwise) haunt everyone to some degree. In this case, your fear to me (my perspective) is you worry about this same behaviour now, you dont want to be who you were. SO I have to as- why are you fearful of this now?  Is there an attractive colleague who brings back such thoughts? If not, is the fear based on the new employer finding out about what you were like? If so on either account, I would stop worrying. The fact you are concerned shows you are checking your own behavior. You know what was wrong about it, and you have no urge to repeat it. It has become repulsive to you.  That is growth, not regression.  I know I speak for more than myself when I say- we have all done stupid things, or things we regret. Some major, some minor. Doesn't matter- the important thing is to learn from it, and change what is needed. You have a good job as an engineer. You have grown. Pat yourself on the back for succeeding. So many do not. 

  • 2 months ago

    See a counselor.

  • Chanel
    Lv 6
    2 months ago

    I understand that you are a bit paranoid cos you love your job now but please do not over think or you will get stressed.

    Just do your job and do not talk about anything not related to work.

    If a colleague wants to know your business just say "that's a very personal question".

    Don't give them ammunition for the gun.

    If any hint of a story comes to your workplace about flirting pretend you do not know what they are talking about but if they are standing there waiting for you to react, walk slowly away.

    As your time at this new place goes by you will feel less bothered about the past.

  • 2 months ago

    To come out of any Fear or Regret , some sport activities and  / or Meditation - Yoga always help upto certain extent - because it relaxes mind and results in Sound sleep at night !

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  • 2 months ago

    I mean...I don't know what you want us to say. You messed up. You're going to have to live with your mistakes. Most likely your old employer won't tell your new one your behavior because they honestly don't care enough and have more important things to worry about. All you can do is try not to be such an a$$hole when you are working. 

  • 2 months ago

    Unless you were prosecuted there will be no record of what happened. It's in the past and can't harm you now - learn from it and get on with your life.........Prayers said for you x

  • 2 months ago

    As you say - farfetched. London is not one of the places where people worry about small town gossip. Also, the longer you work in your present job the less plausible the accusations seem to your boss. 

    It seems to me that your problem is not so much fear as embarrassment, which is something we all have to deal with. Live in the present. 

  • 2 months ago

    Accept your punishment was valid and learn from your mistakes!

  • Anonymous
    2 months ago

    It's wasn't a traumatic experience for you, but likely traumatic for the women that were victims of your sleazy behaviour. Stop blaming your diabetes and your former employers, accept that your past behaviour was disgusting and work on being a responsible and respectful adult. You could also make a financial donation to Rape Crisis or your local rape and sexual abuse centre as you don't know if any of the women you traumatised were rape victims with PTSD that you seriously messed up with your advances. You are not the victim in this story, you are the villain. Take responsibility for your failings or you won't change.

  • 2 months ago

    You learn from your mistakes which will set you free from then on. Also, you have to stop thinking about the past as it has already happened. That did happen but understand that you still can control what you can do today and in the future to stop doing it again.

  • 2 months ago

    Seriously a good company that already has you working are more apt to give you a chance to be yourself contribute to the workplace and move on from there to better things.

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