Anonymous asked in Pregnancy & ParentingPregnancy · 7 months ago

Pregnant and bf disappears Friday nights ?

I'm 35 + 5 days pregnant, 6 weeks ago my partner and I moved into our flat, we spent many months apart due to lockdown he being at home and me also being at home. We moved in and all seemed fine, however our flat is a 15 min drive from his 'friend' who I believe (and so does his mother) to be a really bad influence on him and not a nice person (in and out of prison, has nothing to do with his kid)

Anyway since we moved here, I feel like it's a battle on a Friday night to get him to stay in with me, I hardly see him during the week due to long manual working hours, him being tired or going to the gym after work and I have stated that in the 6 weeks that we have lived together it would be nice to have him indoors on a Friday. He says that he will come home after work on a Friday, but tonight and the last 3 weeks he has turned his phone off (says the battery died) and sometimes comes home at 3 in the morning. He hasn't got many friends, and I have his friends gf number who has confirmed that he is there sitting in the living room with her and his friend. He's my birth partner and I'm really anixous about going into labour and not being able to get hold of him, again I've told him this and it seems that he doesn't listen  His friend doesn't like me and has told me that if he wants to see him every Friday then he will. Am I being unreasonable 



In response to the last person who replied, thank you but please don't think I haven't tried the below, it took him 3 weeks to paint the coving in the babies bedroom..... He left the room in a tip and every Saturday he's been too hungover to fix it, so I have done it. He goes to the gym 5 days a week works 8/9 hours a day and does not lift a finger at home. Also my friends live quiet far and have their own families.... Not to mention covid, I'm pregnant.... Risk factor 

8 Answers

  • 7 months ago
    Favourite answer

    Right, he is an irresponsible person who has little concern for you and the baby.

    This is who he is as a person, and wanting him to be different isn't going to change him. For your own mental health, I would work on accepting the fact that you are going to be a single parent.

  • 7 months ago

    My question would be why do you even want to be with this guy?  He clearly has no desire to be a partner, much less a father.  Find a new birth coach.  And personally, I'd move out, or kick him out.

  • Edna
    Lv 7
    7 months ago

    I find it telling that you call him your partner, and not your husband.

    Are you two married? If not, that's probably the cause of your problem right there. He's made no legal commitment to you, and he wants to go out and run around any time he wants to do so. If he comes home around 3 a.m., he might have a girlfriend on the side. For all you know, he might not even be going to his friend's house and hanging out there - he might be with her,

    If you go into labor and you can't locate him, just call a taxi or drive yourself to the hospital. 

  • Sandy
    Lv 7
    7 months ago

    sounds like you're better off without him. act like his absence doesn't matter. don't call him. go out with your gfs or invite them over. ask your gf to be there with you when you go into labor. get on with your life--just in case that's what it's going to be like. 

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  • 7 months ago

    If this is how he is now, how will he be when you are nearer to giving birth and when the baby is around? He comes across as not mature enough for a serious relationship, let alone being a father, and if you want to have the child I find it difficult to see how you can possibly become a happy family and give your child the security and confidence he/she will need. Obviously I would love to be completely wrong!

    I wouldn't dream of telling you what to do, of course, but I would urge you to keep your feet on the ground over this and to be realistic. Prepare yourself for a future without your man (boy!); make sure you have separate finances - and that he will pay for the child. Please have some serious discussions with your parents about your situation.

    You can email me if you wish (I'm a lot older and in England!)

    Good Luck!

  • 7 months ago

    I'm so sorry, but you've selected a guy who isn't ready or willing to take on the responsibilities of being a father or partner.  He's hanging out with his friend because he'd rather be drinking, smoking, playing xbox or poker, or whatever, than spending time with you.  

    I'm with Ranchmom 1, it's unlikely he's going to change.  It is very likely he won't be around when you go into labor and just as likely he won't be with you by the time you child turns 1.  

  • 7 months ago

    Sorry your bf is being a jerk. You can't force him to be better. If you're inviting him to do fun things to do together and he's declining I think that definitely means he needs his space and he's going through something. You should probably give him space and then say that you notice he doesn't seem to want to spend time together. Just ask him if there's anything wrong and ask him if he's going through something.


    So you were able to confirm he wasn't cheating. 

    It sounds like he needs his space. Are you guys having fun, enjoying your time together when he is home?

    You can't do anything about the friend. I know you're pregnant but you shouldn't come off as controlling or needy otherwise you'll make him miserable & drive him away.  You two need to focus on creating more memories together during this special time. If you guys make plans to do something together & schedule that time like a date that should help with his shady phone dying behavior. 

    Create dates for: 

    -meals at the park.

    -video recording for the baby

    -scrapbooking for the baby

    -baby planning stuff

    -gaming stuff

    -online board game with friends

    -go to a friends

    -making special meals together

    -building stuff together

    If all you're doing is asking him to hang around home without doing anything to do but be there just to have him around. That's not fun for him. You're pregnant and he needs to take care of you but you also need to see it from his pov.

    You probably should look into communicating differently with him especially when he disappoints you because your style seems to be triggering or shutting him off.

    Also, call up and hang out with your own friends too. It sounds like he wants to hang out with friends. If you tell him he can't hang out with his friends, it's like your his mom and he'll rebel against you. Let him hang out with his friends and you get your friends take pictures & videos. Find ways to have fun with and without him.

  • Anonymous
    7 months ago

    You are not being unreasonable at all, but it sounds as though your partner is panicking somewhat at the prospect of fatherhood and the responsibilities that come with it and that he's trying to declare his independence.  He fears being tied down, having to give up his fancy-free youth.

    I think you should talk to him about this, tell him openly that you get it, that you recognize he's anxious and feeling hemmed in by impending parenthood. That may help a great deal.  If it doesn't, then you've made a bad bet here and will simply have to deal with the consequences.  With luck, his mother will be willing to support you if he is not.

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