A verse and a bottom relationship? I need advice?
Me and my boyfriend have been dating for a while everythings so perfect one problem is im verse and hes a bottom. When i feel more like id want to br a bottom i can tell hes a bit out of place, i love him im not complaining about out relationship in the slightest but is there anything i can do to make us both happy with all this?
- Anonymous2 months ago
Dialogue is in order. At a minimum he can satisfy you with a sex toy. And as a bottom he should know how someone would want it. Either that or open up the relationship and have someone plow you once in a while. He does not have the right to keep you from being sexually fulfilled for how ever many decades you are going to be around.
- JakeLv 52 months ago
It’ll work if he’s serious
- TjLv 72 months ago
You are lucky he even tries. If I was him there would be zero anal play, either way. But, talk to him about it, maybe there is a way, he can make you happy, maybe you can get a dildo and have him please you in that way. I know of a few bottoms who cannot even get a erection to try to top. Not every one is wired that way.
- 2 months ago
If he struggles with getting hard for you, when you want to be penetrated, how about using a sex toy, instead? Then there's no pressure! Just something I immediately thought of. :)
Also, I think choko_canyon's answer is, for the most part, very good. Although I also think flexibility only goes so far. I think in the BDSM world, that's what they refer to as soft limits and hard limits, right..? A soft limit is something you don't currently feel super comfortable with, but may eventually be okay with exploring, in the right setting. While a hard limit..? Is the kind of thing that makes you go: "no!! Never!!" Because you can tell you're *fundamentally* not okay with it, and that having to engage in it would feel awful. Like.. for most totally straight guys, having gay sex would fall into this category. So.. hard limits need to be respected. But outside of that..? Exploration and flexibility is great.
Another thing that's great..? Is having conversations about who you are, and what you're into, and how to make things work! Honest, open conversations! Personally, for instance, I am panromantic grey asexual, and I used to be utterly f*cking TERRIFIED of telling people that! Because I had not yet accepted myself! And it led to some REALLY awful situations, of me trying to "fake" being normally sexual, and all the things that I just wasn't. Which was utterly traumatizing for me, and both confusing and unfulfilling for my then partner. To the point that... I ended up ghosting them, without even telling them WHY I was leaving! I just couldn't. Whereas with the love of my life, now..? We have actually talked about these things, and we are fully open about everything! And that means, none of us feels pressured into anything, or to pretend to be something that we're not! We just are who we are.. And we can experiment with all kinds of things, but there is no pressure to "perform"! Which I think, at least for me, was always the thing that scared the crap out of me. Feeling like I had to "pass" as being sexually what other people expected! Even if I wasn't really turned on by what they were doing! Which.. maybe your partner also feels that way? Maybe he feels a really huge pressure to "perform", with penetrative sex, to make you happy? And it makes him feel all kinds of anxious and scared of it? Just.. what if you manage to take all that pressure off the table? And you say: "hey, babe, I know this isn't the thing that turns you on the most. That's OKAY!!! Just... Maybe we can try it, if you're okay with it, because I really like it, every now and then. And if you struggle with getting hard for it..? We can use a toy, too." Then if he's fine with doing it..? I think you also need to stop EXPECTING for him to be super turned on by it, just as much as he is with being penetrated himself! That's the thing. Realistically speaking..? He is just not going to be! And that's OKAY!
With my partner, for instance..? He's got a fetish, that I do not share. But I know what it is, and although he's quite shy about it..? If he wants to, I would love to roleplay his fetish with him, at some point in the future! But the thing is, because I don't share the same fetish..? I will be doing it for him! And it won't be something that makes me all wet in my pants! But.. I'll be doing it because I want to give HIM happiness and pleasure! Because that also makes ME happy! And I think that's an understanding that just has to be established between people! That if you're engaging in something that HUGELY turns on one person, sexually, but is not really the other person's thing..? It is OKAY for the other person not to be *physically* turned on by it! And it doesn't have to be awkward, unless you make it awkward. :)
My partner also just so happens to be very submissive. And scared of doing anything that I'm not into, because he's just a SUPER sweet person, that immensely cares about me, and doesn't EVER want me to feel like my boundaries are being violated. (He knows I've had quite a few traumatic experiences with abusive sh*t heads in the past, and just wants to help me heal from that, and be THE very opposite of that. He is amazing!!! <3) And.. I've never been extremely dominant either. But I'm still naturally more dominant than him! (It doesn't really take much. :-P) So that's an interesting dynamic... That because he is so submissive, that brings out my more dominant side! It's interesting how fluid these things can be, at times! And I hope you guys can also explore that fluidity, like choko_canyon was maybe getting at, rather than just remaining stuck in a box, and thinking: "bottom + verse won't work". Because of course it can!!
Also, another thing I've figured out, from being with a partner who's naturally so sweet, and cautious, and submissive..? Is: I can ASK him to do things I like! That he may not have tried himself, had I not asked him to! Which.. he's in fact VERY comfortable with that, and really likes that! Because he loves me, and always wants to give me pleasure, and make me feel good. So when I tell him I would especially love it if he did this, or that..? (Most of these are sensual things. Not full-on sex. But I'm sure it can work for sex, too!) He always happily obliges. And it's the BEST. <3
..There you go! Just some of my thoughts and experiences that I felt like sharing, apparently. Hope it helps. :)
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- choko_canyonLv 72 months ago
Yes there is something you can both do, but I'm not sure you can do it; Try not to limit yourself to one role. People can take on any role/position in a sexual relationship, and there is really no use for the kind of rigidity you're referring to. You are NOT a verse, and your bf is NOT a bottom, those are just roles/positions that you prefer to adopt. They're not identities. Be flexible. Change it up. I think that's the path to sexual contentment.