Anonymous asked in Social SciencePsychology · 6 months ago

I'm a 30 year old woman and not happy with my life, should I not think about romantic relationships at this point?

I don't have a job and career and working on getting on track.

Generally I think I'm ugly and been passed on an rejected by men and i find it painful to deal with men because i don't think I'm pretty enough or good enough because of past evidence. It makes me depressed and not want to live.

I thought having a husband and family of my own will give me meaning and make me happier and I will give to them as much as I can. But it's not happening. I'm disappointed by this age I couldn't get this right, amongst many things.

But I'm working on myself and my routines and goals and trying to atleast get to normal and 'catch up' to people my age.

I had been depressed for many years and failed in my jobs etc and still working on getting a job and overcoming my fears and hopefully being a success.

One positive thing is that I'm a CPA/chartered accountant.

However I committed career suicide when I was at 2 of the big 4 accounting firms. But having that designation does count.

Should I hold off thinking or trying to find a romantic partner for now? Especially since it causes me to get depressed that it hampers my progress generally.

Or should i put it as part of my list of goals and something I need to work towards with my career and health etc?

Really pressed for time and wasted time already

5 Answers

    Lv 5
    5 months ago

    How did you commit career suicide?  You sound like a nice lady, don’t be afraid to be approachable and start conversations. Just focus on getting a job. 

  • ?
    Lv 7
    6 months ago

    Find yourself a boyfriend now you have the time for it. It will make you feel better

  • Dick
    Lv 7
    6 months ago

    You are the person "casual sex" was invented for. Go out and have some. It will get you out to actually meet some people. Probably different people, that might help you improve your self image. The casual dates, will prove that you are still attractive, and men are still interested in you. You will meet some new men. At least some of them will be pretty nice. It will get your mind off of the negative things, and it will do wonders for your self confidence. You might even meet someone that you want to have a long term relationship with. And sex is fun. Try it !!

    Source(s): Worked for me
  • 6 months ago

    When I first hit 30. It felt like I was at the top of the rollercoaster getting for the drop into all the things I thought aging was based on the dumb stuff I heard growing up. Then I got over it and had the next best years of my life. 30s is your prime. 40s is middle-aged and I still see people in their 40s killing it.

    When I was 30 I ended a relationship where I had a bf for like 4 years. I was excited because my entire life felt like it was controlled by something or someone else. 30s I had the money and started living. Since I was on a high and I was living my best life I started dating awesome guys of another level than what used to be laid out for me.

    I know you're working on yourself, setting routines to catch up to what you think someone in their 30s should be. The routines are great, the motivation behind creating your goals isn't. Who cares what people in their 30s are doing. Be free! Do what you want and live life on your own terms. 

    Forget about keeping up with your friends. You're not tethered to anything or anyone. Meaning you can do whatever you want. I always wanted to travel, adventure, rock climb and be physically strong and physically capable to do any sport. I worked on it and gained the most physical abilities I've ever had in my life and traveled to different continents. It felt like something was awakening inside me the more I started doing the things I wanted. I decide to become a traveling nomad. Went overseas and dated a doctor servicing refugees & migrants of underdeveloped countries, an amazing guy from South Africa, another amazing guy who did really great things. I'm 33 now. It's crazy how many times your life can change in a year if you make it happen.

    Point being. You need to work on you. Think about all the things you ever wanted to be or do and work on getting it done. If you want abs, work on making the diet and exercise routine a habit. If you want to travel more find all the places you wanted to go and see how to make it happen. If you want to be more selfless do volunteer. 

    Women have it great we don't have to be born pretty we just need to work at it. There are very few women who are naturally pretty. Gorgeous women, I mean 9's that's alot of work. I've watched how Victoria Secret women maintain themselves. It's a particular diet, 1 hour of running (to burn through carbs) & 1 hour weighs everyday. Then they have specialized days for different muscle groups of additional workout like HIIT. Lots of hydration. Skincare like almost daily exfoliation, face masks, night creams, daily sunscreen. Then of course make-up & knowing what clothes work on you. Most of what we see on Instagram are filters. Everyone who's a celebrity or even my very pretty friends get dermal fillers. So a lot of pretty people are getting additional cosmetic work just being discreet about it. So it's money, time, work and energy to be pretty. That's the outside stuff. In America people shame people for having cosmetic work. But everyone on TV has gotten something done to give us normal women impossible beauty standards.  If you want cosmetic work, do it if it makes you happy go to a place that does it well. America is horrible at the surgery. S Korea is way cheaper and way better at doing plastic surgeries, facials, and anything beauty. It's the plastic surgery capital of the world. Or you can make it a goal that you won't be self-conscious of your looks if you don't want to invest in it.

    What you do internally and acting on making all your desires happen matters. The more you succeed at doing all the things you ever wanted to do and be the person you aspire to be. You become more admirable for being you. Because you create your own world. When people see that you're making yourself the best version of yourself, you become an inspiration to others who haven't done it. People get attracted & drawn to you. Men want to be apart of your world.

    Step 1 is, create your world. If it's your own ideal world that has nothing to do with trying do with being on some level to compare with other people or it's for anyone else. This becomes a world just for you. After you create your world, naturally people who are compatible with you will be drawn and have the desire to want to be part of your world. BUT ALWAYS REMEMBER it's YOUR WORLD. People should make their own world. If you have to sacrifice any bit of your independence, it better be for a person who's proven to deserve it.

    Step 2: After accomplishing step 1. Create standards for a man you want. You need to have standards and if you date then hold men accountable to those standards they will respect you. They might even love you more for inspiring them to be a better man.

    Step 3: Pick your man. If you aren't finding men in your area. Go to a different location. I found few guys in America I liked. When I ventured out to different countries I was finding incredible men left and right. Canadian, South African, Thai.

    I think I'm not into American men. Also I never ended up with the guys I wanted. Definitely pick your own man and don't wait to be picked to have an incredible dating life.

    Until you go through all your steps. Experiment, adventure and explore to find what you love. For guys watch every video of Matthew Hussey on Youtube. I had a very unhealthy idea of what a relationship with a man and what dating was supposed to be like. He gave me a more healthy POV and gives great insight of male psychology. Do it before you start dating and you meet someone who counts. I wish I knew this stuff long ago.

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  • 6 months ago

    You should hold off on a relationship.

    Get yourself better first.

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