Should our daughter's weight issue be addressed?
My daughter is 23, almost 24, and, her weight is starting to be a concern for my husband and me. I can’t speculate on the actual scale number, nor would I want to put that on here, I just know this is the biggest she’s ever looked. She moved home this past spring to quarantine with the rest of our family.
She struggled with her weight a few years ago. We didn’t say anything then, we didn’t want to start a commotion. The set up in our house is that she is allowed to eat what she wants. She’s an adult, she makes her own money, it’s her call what she eats. Unfortunately, she’s opting for junk food and not much exercise, the results are showing.
My husband and I debate daily if we should address this or not. We understand that it’s her body and her life, but, to reiterate, she looks to be at her heaviest. If we do bring it up( which, is part of my question in this thread, should we bring it up?), it needs to be done gently. We also make the safe assumption she knows she’s put on weight. We love her at any size, but, we just want her to be healthy.
Again, my basic question is Should we address it with her? If yes, how should we word it?
- PearlLv 76 months ago
i wouldnt bother talking to her about it and just keep low fat food around only
- Anonymous6 months ago
Your daughter knows if she's overweight, slightly overweight, clinically obese. As you said, she's an adult.
My Mom is toxic and was ALWAYS on me about my weight. One time she commented that my waist was too small for my hips. I don't even know what that means.
I'm 5'4" and weigh 110 pounds. It's her problem, not mine.
If your daughter's health is in danger and if you want to make her feel bad about herself, sure, talk to her about it.
- Anonymous6 months ago
I think it's fine - ONE TIME - to let her know that you are concerned about her long-term health and quality of life. Be sure to tell her that she is beautiful and you are proud of her and love her and that you're willing to be a source of support for her if she'd like you to be.
What you don't do is give her looks when she eats Cheetos or make passive aggressive comments about her pants being tight or her panting after going up a flight of stairs.
- blankLv 66 months ago
You are clearly very thoughtful, loving and respectful people of your adult offspring (note I intentionally did not use parents or child here).
Your post CLEARLY shows you are coming from that friendship mode - but you are also clearly acknowledging neither of you nor your daughter can escape the reality of the parent-child relationship.
That said - flip this around a bit. If YOU were putting on the weight, would you want your daughter to say something out of love? Most likely the answer is yes. So to answer that question for you - the potential result of her healthy reward is worth the risk of relationship strain (imo).
How you approach this is to treat her as you see her: an adult. Something like - You know we a thrilled with the woman you have become right? You know we respect you as an adult right? May I (we) talk to you about a possibly sensitive subject that we know really isn't our business anymore as parents - but as friends - we would like permission to bring something up?
If the answer is yes - then forge ahead. If the answer is no, then say okay and bite your tounge. The how to actually say it you already know - we love you, we know it is your choice, but are you at all concerned?
You can consider tossing in "we will never bring it up again if you ask," but if you do, you will have to stick to it and bite your lip.
Suspect the apple did not fall far from the tree in your house and your daughter will understand it is out of love, not shaming or anything negative.
Good luck. Hope this helps.