Anonymous
Anonymous asked in HealthMental Health · 6 months ago

How do I overcome the guilt that I killed a number of people over a few months in combat?

I think I killed 3 in Panama in 1989. I know I killed 1 in Desert Storm because I saw it happen but he wouldn't surrender. I saw his face explode. In Panama it was a missile I shot and heard later 3 fatalities. It may or may not have been my missile. 

  

I cannot forgive myself. I have twice tried to kill myself but been unable to complete it. I acted like I was proud of it in Panama but I was ashamed. Now I am no one. 

  

I am told by fellows in the armed services that I am weak to be upset over this because my PTSD is nothing compared to the Iraq and Afghanistan veterans of today as well as the Vietnam Vets. As a result I feel further shame. My father continued his disappointment in me after I left the armed forces. He had always thought I was a failure growing up because my ADHD got me into trouble in high school which is what landed me in the armed forces. I never finished high school after being expelled from Fork Union Military Academy for cocaine. 

  

So I am writing all this to see how do you overcome the guilt of killing in war? The people I killed were not bad, they were just doing what I was doing which was fighting at their countries orders. Maybe our country was better but maybe not. I killed for oil and for the Panama Canal, that is not a noble cause. This was not liberating the Holocaust or anything honorable like that. 

Update:

Anonymous: I am not a troll. by I never finished high school I meant from the school many family had attended, Fork Union. I did get a diploma from the local high school where I live (Fairfax High School). 

       

I was never charged with a drug crime. Expelled from Fork Union (known as FUMA) but not criminally charged. I was 16 at the time. Joined the military at 20. 

Update 2:

I am new on Yahoo Answers so thought I would ask but post anonymously because of my shame and failings. 

4 Answers

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  • Jerry
    Lv 6
    6 months ago
    Favourite answer

    I think you need to forgive yourself; it was a war, it's kill or be killed with decisions that have to be made in seconds.  If you haven't already, get some counseling.  The VA is a good place to start; there are MANY who have been in similar situations; it's not murder; people get killed in wars.  It's the dirtiest, worst job on the planet.  I have a lot of friends who are Vietnam vets (as I am) who have dealt with similar feelings.  You were in a battle and did what you had to do.

  • LAN
    Lv 7
    6 months ago

    You are obviously lying.   Grow up and stop being an idiot.

  • 6 months ago

    You are in a tough spot my friend, I cant tell you how to feel better,  but as you say, you killed in a time of war because it was your job. Kill or be killed is what you would have to believe. You are not weak, but a human being. You are not a bad person either,  just in a tough mindset. Dont be too hard on yourself, you can still respect the enemy soldiers you killed. 

  • Anonymous
    6 months ago

    Troll Fail....

    First of all if this was really the situation NO Vet I know would call you weak.  Second of all with No High School Diploma and an issue with Drugs you would not have been accepted into the Military.

    But nice try...

    Nice attempt at a troll recovery.  Sorry but you can't turn "I never finished High School" into "Well I mean I didn't finish THAT High School".  

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