Should I take my husband back after he hit me multiple times we are great co parents and he doesn’t want anyone else raising his children?

He had a lapse in judgement and choked me in front of our kids. I have resources and I work so I can make it own my own its just that we have 3 beautiful kids aged 2, 3 and 6 and my child from previous relationship 15. I just don't want to raise children alone again. I did that with my first. He is a good father but cannot stop sleeping with escorts , doing drugs and abusive. I have slapped him in his face before when I found out he was cheating with our first child together. He has cheated for years. Now he felt like I was cheating and decided to choke me. This is not the first time he has put hands on me either, one time he pinched my nipple so hard I could not breasttfeed my baby until it healed. I am tired and we tried counsieling and all that. How can I get him to change, or is leaving my only option. I'm afraid to start over and no man will want me with all these kids and 2 different fathers

14 Answers

  • 4 months ago
    Favourite answer

    Charleene, why you even need to ask this is amazing.....but since you're here and asking, I'm going to assume no one else who's actually acquainted with you two knows anything about how terrible a situation this is.

      I'll start by saying it's hard to leave someone, even if they are immoral. I had two girlfriends who were awful, manipulative skanks that ruined me, but even then because of the emotional and sexual ties I had created with them in my mind I still wanted things to work......your situation is so far beyond mine I can't fathom why you're still there.


    Charleene, if he's willing to abuse you in front of your kids, openly cheat on you with women who probably have every STD under the sun, AND is a drug user....I'm trying to be respectful but he is the worst type of human being and you need to do anything and everything in your power to leave him.

    If he's willing to choke you in front of your kids, Lord only knows what he's doing to your kids alone when you're not there. You have to do it for them, if not for yourself. I'm usually never a fan of profanity in chat forums...but ******* RUN and don't turn back!

    As for your question about "no man will want me with all these kids and two different fathers"....Charleene there is a man for every situation on planet Earth. Being serious, just putting all that out there on a website like Eharmony or what have you, being brutally honest, isn't the worst idea. Some guys are widowers and have plenty of experience raising kids and being mature, and ARE looking and open to marrying or being with someone who has kids and past husbands.

    The biggest issue though, all of that aside, is figuring out what's inside of you that doesn't realize when enough is enough and endangering your life and your children's lives isn't worth it. Yes, I get leaving your spouse and father of your kids is difficult, but this guy is a demon and sooner or later it's going to get bloody....having your children caught in the cross fire, you'll never forgive yourself and be far worse off than you are now.

      Another scenario is some neighbor or friend knows about this and is eventually going to call the cops or CPS, then you're really screwed. They'll take the kids, he'll go to prison, and you'll really be left with nothing and no one. 

    Stop waiting, and make moves to get out of this today. Even if it means moving cross country in the dead of night to escape, it's worth it.

  • 3 months ago

    Start hitting back it’s a good idea.

  • Anonymous
    4 months ago

    You should take him back 

  • 4 months ago

    I have grown up with a violent father, so you need to take what I am going to say to you very seriously, because if you **** up here, its not just you that will be paying the price here, but your children to!

    "A lapse in judgment and he choked me in front of the kids" is such a cop out and a very weak way to justify his horrific behaviour! This was no lapse in judgement, he knew from the start what he was doing when he puts his hands on your neck and tried to kill you, it was a very deliberate choice. There was nothing accidental about this, this was a very willful and very near lethal act on his end, the only reason he stopped was either because you broke free or someone was distracted.

    How can I get him to change? You can't! He has to make that choice to change on his end, and quite frankly, he's not even willing to acklowedge his issues, and if he can't even do that, he's not ready to make the neccessary changes to improve himself.

    I think you have some big issues that need to be addresed and that's you have low self esteem issues, and thats why a) you need a man to validate you and b) why you go for guys who cheat and beat you just because they can.

    If you don't leave him, it will be your kids doing euologies at your funeral.

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  • 4 months ago

    Either he stops or you will end up in the hospital, or forced to defend yourself if no-one else will defend you..   no money is worth getting hurt over and over again..  YET < THEY NEVER LISTEN..    let's hope they do...      

  • Anonymous
    4 months ago

    Charleene, NO. NO, NO, NO, NO, and NO !!!!!!!!!!! This man is a MONSTER, and he's a huge THREAT to your safety as well as your children's, and you need to GET THE HELL AWAY FROM HIM while you still have time and a chance to DO SO !!!! Why didn't you call the COPS on him when he assaulted you the first time? Do you WANT TO WIND UP DEAD?? Because the more you keep letting him back into your life, the greater the chance that HE WILL KILL YOU.

    You have FAR MORE TO WORRY ABOUT right now than just whether or not you can find someone else to live with who will help you raise your kids. Your first concern needs to be YOUR OWN and THEIR SAFETY. This man isn't GOING TO CHANGE. He's a druggie and a domestic abuser, and he's going to keep on pulling this **** until he finally kills you. I would call a local domestic violence hotline and get the name of the nearest shelter for battered women and children, and make plans to flee as soon as you can.

    I grew up in the household of a domestic abuser who hated me enough to want me dead, and who tried to murder me several times before I was grown. I know what you're dealing with because I've been there too. People like this asshole you were married to DON'T CHANGE, any more than a tiger loses its stripes. YOU can't change someone like this, either. He has to be willing to do that himself, and it's obvious that he doesn't even think he has a problem !! I get that you're scared of starting over and of admitting that you made a mistake in even getting involved with this nut, but mistakes can be forgiven. YOU, however, can't be replaced. Neither can your kids. And NO, your ex DIDN'T have a lapse in judgment, as you put it. He was in a drug fueled rage and tried to MURDER YOU, and you should have called the COPS on him and had him arrested then and there.

  • 4 months ago

    You have issues with your self confidence. Until you see and know your own worth and value you will stay in this miserable cycle.

    Your husband is horrible and he will beat you again. To him it’s like Why not. You just said you think nobody else will want you. So you just gave him the power over you. Maybe it’s true, no man will want a women with that many kids RIGHT NOW. 

    But one day your kids will be grown and you will be able to be free again. But if you stick with this guy you won’t be. He already chocked you in front of the kids. That’s disrespectful and evil. Your kids don’t need that. He is cheating continually with prostitutes that have STDS. This guy is the anti husband. Leave before he destroys you. 

    Make the sacrifice for your children and your life and leave now. Get your self confidence back. Heal yourself. Maybe than you can see how much he is killing you already!! 

  • helene
    Lv 7
    4 months ago

    Good fathers don't choke their wives in front of their children. 

    Basically, he's a **** father and husband. Find a divorce lawyer and make a plan.

  • Anonymous
    4 months ago

    He will never change.  If he has not done it by now - he never will.

    You have two choices - continue taking the abuse and the beatings - which also teaches your children that it is okay for men to hit women and it is okay for a woman to accept being abused - IS THAT WHAT YOU WANT FOR YOUR CHILDREN.

    Or you can leave and teach your children that abuse is never acceptable and that women deserve to be treated better.

    BTW - If he was a "good father" he would not be abusing you or sleeping with escorts.  The example his life shows to his children is NOT the example a good father would be setting. Being a "good father" isn't just spending time with the kids or being good to the kids.  It is also about setting a good life example and his lifestyle is anything but "good" based on your descriptions.  

  • Barry
    Lv 6
    4 months ago

    Better to be on your own raising the kids than dead or mutilated. These psychos never change. They can't as it's ingrained in their personality. Dump the asshole.

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