I think my brother may be gay?
So before you go jumping into the comments saying "YOU HOMOPHOBIC BIGOT", I just want to say that I'm generally supportive of the LGBTQ+ community. I generally say "you love who you love" and leave it at that. However, there are times where I feel really uncomfortable.
Last summer, my family and I went to a nice tourist town. I enjoyed the idea of going, but when I went, I found out that it was also a very, VERY big tourist town for the gay community. I felt quite uncomfortable being there because it seemed like everywhere I was, there were two gay, topless men holding hands as they went for a jog. My parents could sense that I was somewhat uncomfortable and we left a bit earlier.
I have friends of mine that are bi or gay, and I support them for who they are and who they love.
However, I talked to my brother today and he told me that he's bi. He used to like the person who is now his best friend, and I'm worried this'll lead to a relationship between the two of them. It makes me, personally, feel uncomfortable with having an LGBTQ+ member in my immediate family.
I was curious as to if it's normal to be a bit uncomfortable in cases where it feels like you are surrounded by what seems to be "extreme queerness".
- K S LallLv 73 weeks ago
If you are uncomfortable with your brother being LGBTQ+, how then can you say that you are rainbow-friendly?
- 3 weeks ago
i mean its okay to be uncomfortable, but you ought to find some help because if you can't work through your feelings yourself, they're not going to go away. and the fact that you are making your uncomfortable-ness about your brother shows that working through your feelings is necessary.
- Anonymous3 weeks ago
Get some help for yourself, BlTCH
- PrinceLv 53 weeks ago
People get uncomfortable naturally when they're nosey and pay WAY too much attention to other people's private lives. You probably get JUST as uncomfortable when you hide outside your neighbours' window watching them have sex, if you really THINK about it. Sounds like you grew up in a nosey family and were taught to be all up in people's business.
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- nappaLv 73 weeks ago
show him a bible, open to new testament. corinthians 1 verse 6, homosexuals will not inherit the kingdom of heaven, that should change his mind
- 3 weeks ago
This is called homophobia. Not all homophobes are loud hateful asses. The "phobia" part of the word comes mostly from your discomfort when faced with it. Why are you uncomfortable? Gay couples won't bite you. The first step is coming to terms with your homophobia. You can't say you support LGBT people from afar but don't want them close to you. How is that being supportive?
- SkyLv 73 weeks ago
You can't say both that "I'm generally supportive of the LGBTQ+ community" and "you love who you love", and then turn around and say "It makes me, personally, feel uncomfortable with having an LGBTQ+ member in my immediate family." You can't be supportive of the community but not be supportive of a family member who is a part of that community. The message you are sending to us and to your brother is that there is something wrong with being gay, bi, etc. but you're still OK with that just as long as it's *someone else* and not someone as close to you as a sibling or other family member.
The discomfort you're expressing could have any number of various sources and reasons from when you were younger--religious values, values of peers, opinions expressed by adults, etc.--but now you are old enough to rationally analyze that discomfort and figure out why you feel so uncomfortable about LGBTQ+ people and what you can do to overcome it. A big part of that is that you simply need to get used to seeing it. When I was a kid I was very much sheltered from anyone and anything relating to different sexual orientations or gender identity. As I got older, even after overcoming the hateful homophobia that my earlier environment had conditioned into my mind, despite being accepting I was still uncomfortable to see same-sex couples share even the mildest affection. But over time I got used to it, primarily by having chat friends on line who were same-sex couples who textually expressed affection with each other. The love they showed each other was sweet and no different than that of heterosexual couples. Then later in life when I started seeing more same-sex couples in person and seeing them kiss and be affectionate with each other, it didn't bother me in the least because I'd gotten used to it. It was new and different to see, but nothing offensive or uncomfortable in any way, and I actually felt quite happy for them that they had each other.
So what you need to do is a lot of self analysis to get to the root of your discomfort about same-sex couples, as well as transgender individuals if you're feeling uncomfortable about them, and expose yourself to same-sex couples directly through making friends with them and getting to know them, by not averting your eyes when you see a same-sex couple hug or kiss or hold hands, and by viewing such relationships through the lens that they are no different from opposite-sex couples aside from the matter of being the same sex. And if your brother gets a boyfriend, be around them when they're affectionate with each other and make yourself get used to it. Eventually you'll get to the point where it's no big deal to you at all.
- choko_canyonLv 73 weeks ago
It's normal for anyone homophobic to be uncomfortable around homosexuals, yes. But lets face it, you ARE homophobic. Not as bad perhaps as many, but still homophobic. There's really no way around it.
- 3 weeks ago
As long as he doesn't shove it down other people's throat, I don't see what the problem is.
- xxx000auLv 73 weeks ago
Hold on there buddy.
If your family had gone to Disneyland where after spending the day there your brother was feeling uneasy and upon asking why he said, I keep on seeing boys and girls walking around holding hands, it makes me feel uncomfortable yet he goes on to say, he has no problem with straight people, even some of his friends have girlfriends. Tell me would mum and dad have ended the holiday early or told him to get over him self.
In your case I am confused. Lets say you were at the beach and Adam & Steve happened to pass you and they decided they wanted you. Long story short they speak to you and in the end make you an offer they hope you cant refuse, but you do, you say thank you but no thank you, and that is that. Now these guys can either accept your rejection or they can rape you. Seriously do you honestly think you are so good that no gay guy could accept your rejection?
Get over your self.
If you are uncomfortable then its not him who you fear, its your self. You can deny it all you like, denying it wont change things.