? asked in HealthMental Health · 4 weeks ago

Why do i keep proving to myself how shitty of a person i am.?

I feel i am spiraling down. Every single day i think of killing myself. I know i am a worthless piece of ****. I have amazing friends that love and care for me but i never take the good advice i get from them and i have a girlfriend who is long distance and that i know loves me and is expecting to marry her like i promise but i cheated not only once but twice and with a ******* escorts. i knew i felt **** after the first but then i did it again expecting better. turns out some escorts are fat bitches. I'm addicted to porn. I everysingle day i have to watch it until i go off 3-5 times. Everyday i go through the day with ******* pain in my joints. i have constant migraines and sometimes i am just straight up stupid in conversations which i rarely have with anybody. i am a son of a man that never saw me until i was 17 and turns out he is still a womenizer. I said to myself i will never be like him i would be a man of high integrity i will be so successful that my family will be taken care of and then i just end up being like him. How the hell can i believe my friends that i am meant for greatness. how am i supposed to be the one to take care of my family when i am just a little man and a big coward. How can i believe in god when i feel i live in hell. what the **** am i to do. just someone kill me already. End me because i am to much of a coward to do it myself. I want to believe i can be successful i want to believe i can empower people but i just know its not true for me.

6 Answers

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  • Sky
    Lv 7
    4 weeks ago

    Get professional therapy for your suicidal thoughts.

  • Anonymous
    4 weeks ago

    /<>,<>\

    Yôu clėarly suffer from self hatred whîch iś

    mighťy common & sadly has no exacț curė 

    othėr than praying + hoping along/w mėd'ś 

    too, cuz !

    -.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-.-

  • 4 weeks ago

    You need more help than you can get online.  There are significant issues that you are facing and you need to discover WHY - what are the origins of these issues.  Why are you engaging in risky behavior.  Once you know why - once you understand the origins of these feelings, you will be in a position to deal with them in a positive way.  Get yourself some counselling.  Good luck.

  • 4 weeks ago

    I'm sorry that you're having such a difficult time.  Please, though, keep reaching out for help until getting the proper treatment and support.

    Please know that you're NOT a coward.  It shows great strength and courage to ask for help.

    ** Here is a toll-free 24/7 helpline for anyone who is feeling suicidal to call:

    1-800-273-TALK (8255).

    ** For those with mental health and/or addiction issues, the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration has a toll-free 24/7 ** referral ** hotline:

    1-800-662-HELP (4357).

    Here is their website:

    https://findtreatment.samhsa.gov

    ** People can have various types of addiction, such as sex, porn, drugs, alcohol, food, gambling, and/or combination of any such addictions.  Please seek outside professional help, including for the sex and porn addiction, to also help one to *not* get a STD (sexually transmitted disease).  

    ** Such STDs may include HIV (human immunodeficiency syndrome) - the virus that causes AIDS (acquired immune deficiency syndrome) - and/or hepatitis (a serious liver disease that results in inflammation and damage), for instance.  The liver is the largest internal organ and helps to process toxins from the body.  Spending time with escorts is such risky behavior, and no one really knows if he or she is sick just by looking at him or her, right.

    ** Some people have both a mental health condition and a drug and/or alcohol addiction, which can be called having a co-occurring disorder.  Such treatment programs for those with both mental illness and drug and/or alcohol addiction can be referred to as a MICA (mental illness chemical addiction) program or those with a "dual diagnosis."  

    For those with drug and/or alcohol addiction, for instance, the credentials of Certified Addiction Counselor (CAC) or Certified Alcohol & Drug Counselor (CADC) should apparently to be considered.  However, it's ultimately the decision of the person with addiction to change for the better and use the tools learned in treatment.

    Either a licensed *clinical psychologist* (PhD or PsyD) or a *licensed-clinical social worker* (LCSW) may provide an "official" mental health diagnosis and/or may administer cognitive-behavioral therapy (cbt), for instance, which deals with how one's thoughts may affect one's behavior.

    With regard to those who consider themselves part of the LGBTQ community, the CDC (centers for disease control and prevention) has more general info and resources:

    https://www.cdc.gov/lgbthealth/index.htm

    There may be a free local 12-step Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) meeting.  One may attend an "open" AA meeting, if there is no drinking problem.  (Most, if not all, meetings might be online these days.)

    Here is their website:

    https://aa.org

    This other website has more general info re: Addictions (though, also for informational purposes):

    https://www.helpguide.org/home-pages/addictions.ht...

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  • Koi
    Lv 6
    4 weeks ago

    Me too. I'm, like, soo f#cked. Just make it until December. And try your best till then! I went to see my psychiatrist last week and she told me suicide is a dumb idea. Like, I know that, but I guess I'm just full of dumb ideas. I hate my profession. Dumbest idea of my life and it haunts my every waking moment. So yeah you aren't alone bro. My emails are open... I think. 

  • 4 weeks ago

    I can’t speak on anything else, but when it comes to feeling su*cid*al, I’m no stranger to that feeling. This is going to sound very cliche. But you matter, I promise. It’s not worth it 

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