Cody asked in Family & RelationshipsFamily · 3 months ago

Why won't my fiance let me drive his car?

I HAD a car, and he told me I needed to get rid of it because I had it from before him, and it reminded him that my ex used to sit in it and drive it. He told me that we only needed one car and he would take me wherever I needed to go. So I sold my car, I was hardly driving it anyway. We've been together for just over a year and we are engaged. He absolutely refuses to let me drive his car, even when he's drunk. He will down 3 bourbon and cokes, be clearly intoxicated, and absolutely refuses to let me be a designated driver. He has had countless tickets, and one major accident that totaled his car. I have had zero tickets and zero accidents. He is 26 and I am 29. It's a regular automatic 4 door sedan. I just don't understand why he won't let me drive. My mother is immunocompromised and has not been able to leave her house in months because of COVID19. She needs some Costco shopping done and asked if we could do it. He's only met my mom twice, and they have nothing against one another. He actually asked my mom to pick up two sheet sets for us while her roommate did her costco shopping for her and have us pay her back. Her roommate had a family thing and can't do the shopping for a few weeks.. He absolutely refuses to go, and refuses to let me do the shopping for her. I'm pretty pissed about this. I always thought a marriage was a combination of belongings. My stuff is free for him to use and his is free for me to use when needed. 

14 Answers

  • 3 months ago

    There’s a lot of things wrong here.. 

    Red flag no.1 He’s insecure, asking you to get rid of your car because of the nonsense in his head 

    Red flag no.2 by making you get rid of your car, he’s making you dependent on him 

    Red flag no.3 hes irresponsible- getting tickets, drinking and driving

    Red flag no.4 he sounds like a bad driver, if you’re dependent on him to drive you around it’s a high chance that you could get in an accident 

    Red flag no.5 he’s controlling you, not allowing you to use his car, not allowing you to go shopping for your mum, it’s like he’s using his car as leverage 

    Red flag no.6 not letting you shop for your mum shows a lack of consideration and empathy and no regard for your feelings 

    Red flag no.7 he wants to marry you and keep you dependent and trapped 

  • drip
    Lv 7
    3 months ago

    I agree with most of what is being said.  Get out of this relationship

  • 3 months ago

    You fail to realize something important  because you are oblivious to the signs....

    Nimber One, you boyfriend is an alcoholic. Responsible people do not drive drunk, nor do they have accidents and have tickets piling up.

    Number Two, you are clueless about something very important....your boyfriend is controlling you and manipulating what you can and cannot do. His ridiculous reasoning for forcing you to sell your car is not only immature  it is a SURE sign of his INSECURITIES. Yes, that is right.  

    If you care to be honest with yourself and get out of denial  you can look back and identify the times he has manipulated you, embarrassed you  isolated you from your family aND friends and acted irrationally. Oh, add jealousy to the list. Does any of that sound familiar?

    You marry this immature, insecure boy child and you are a bigger fool than he is. Girl, get the hell out of that relationship before he steals your sole. 

    You have been warned.

  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    3 months ago

    When you first folded to his irrational insecurity about your old car you signaled to him that you'd allow his internal insecurities to control your behavior. This is merely an extension of that. You're with a controlling person, this is why he won't let you drive this supposedly joint car. You're not even married to him yet so sharing a car and making yourself captive wasn't wise on your part either. Now you'll need to get yourself a vehicle and either get him into some premarital counseling to work on his problems or maybe just end the relationship and save yourself the continuing drama. 

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  • Pearl
    Lv 7
    3 months ago

    probably so he can keep track of you better

  • 3 months ago

    Forgetting for a moment that you're supposedly married to a controlling a$$hole who doesn't deserve to be in any relationship, what is your question for us exactly? Are you asking for advice? Do you need a reference for a divorce attorney in your state? What do you want to know? 

  • Anonymous
    3 months ago

    He would not be my fiance.  Why are you allowing yourself to be abused in this fashion?

  • 3 months ago

    Why are you with this guy? He asks you to sell your car because some other guy sat in it and would rather drive drunk and endanger himself, you, and everyone else on the road than let you take the wheel. He doesn't want you to help your mom... dump his ***, he's not worth it. 

  • 3 months ago

    Open your eyes, and realise what this behaviour is telling you.  In short, "what's mine is mine, and what's yours is mine."  He is a prime example of a selfish, controlling individual.  He will never change, except to get worse.  Have a stand-up row with him and tell him if he doesn't want to share things with you then get lost.  His reaction will tell you all you want to know (but be prepared to defend yourself).

  • Wilson
    Lv 6
    3 months ago



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