What should i do about my controlling parents?

First off a little detail, im a 23 year old male and i am Punjabi. I work and stay at my parents house, two years ago i met the love of my life and we are still strong today and are deeply in love. We have a plan and everything for marriage and we've been through everything together the highs and the very low lows..However, she is Fijian indian, Hindi and some Punjabi. My parents at first were okay with her but now they say i cant marry her at all, and its the usual excuse that she is simply not Punjabi. I now cant even be friends with her or talk to her at all. My parents are standing in the way of my one true happiness. They control every aspect of my life to what time im supposed to be asleep, to how much tv and games i could play. But it is my pass time and my dad says to only play an hour every couple of days. i only play 2-3 hours with friends. They barely let me watch sports because they think its not educational, they're always telling me i can only marry inside the culture thats it. in Punjabi culture the guy is supposed to stay home with his parents. if i was to go up to them and say i love her and i want to marry her, then i will get kicked out for sure. My GF and her family actually offered for me to stay at there house if i do decide to move out to save up some money, move out and they say they would help us get a court marriage.  What could i do? Is it best to move out even tho ill be disowned? i have 10Gs saved up, saving more. My mental health is very bad now

7 Answers

  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    3 weeks ago

    Unless you've got numerous siblings it's unlikely your parents will disown you for life. But if your hopes hinged on some big inheritance from them you'll have to decide what's more important to you. You're still a few years too young to get married so spend some time thinking about that. 

  • 4 weeks ago

    Well, you have to make a choice it seems. Either you comply with your parents' wishes and give up the girl , or keep the girl and risk losing your parents. A shame it has to be this way, so stupid , in my humble opinion.  Its lucky that you found someone with whom you want to spend the rest of your life, and not being Punjabi, I vote for keeping the girl. 

    I know of someone who is Chinese, who wanted to marry a white american girl. His father learned of it, and came after him with a loaded gun !  He did marry the girl, and now, their two adult daughters are in their early twenties, and they are still happily married. The father (and his wife) eventually accepted everything , and they all get along fine, so maybe there's still hope for you. 

    I also think you should decide how you wish to run your own life, and that your parents shouldn't dictate to you, once you've reached adulthood. Good luck and good wishes !   

  • Trish
    Lv 5
    4 weeks ago

    If what you say is true I believe you should move out and marry.  Your parents may not disown you for long especially if you are an only child.  I think they would behave differently if you were older and again especially if they were thinking of having grandchildren.  I know because I am 55 and I think about this.  You sound as if you prefer living at home but don't expect a free ride if you move out of your parents house you have to pay expenses.  This means you probably won't save as much money but you may be happier in some regards.  Good Luck and God bless.

  • drip
    Lv 7
    4 weeks ago

    If you were to marry her, wouldn’t the two of you find your place? You should leave your Dad’s home if you get married.

    Get a good job, keep saving money.  

    You get married when you and your spouse can live on your own. So when you at that point then ask her to marry you.

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  • n2mama
    Lv 7
    4 weeks ago

    Nobody here can tell you what to do, because You are the one who will have to live with the consequences. I think it sounds like it’s time to man up, move out of your parents house, and live your life for yourself. Can you live with never having anything to do with your parents for the rest of your life? For your children to never know those grandparents? Those are decisions you have to make for yourself.

  • 4 weeks ago

    You shouldn't be living with your parents.  Move.

  • 4 weeks ago

    In my culture, the best thing that could happen to you is to politely tell your father that as much as you appreciate everything that he has done for you, it is time for you to take more responsibility for your own life.  If you will live in his house, he will have to adjust some of the rules.  If he can not accept this, then you will have to move out.  Tell him that if he ever needs help, he should call on you.

    If he can accept this, ..then fine.

    If he wishes to negotiate, ..then listen to him.

    If he can not accept it, ..then leave.

    If he wants to debate it,..then leave

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