Mother in law not getting the hint? ?

So after 5 years my fiancé & I have gotten our own house that we will be moving into in the next few weeks, we are pregnant & we only have space for us & new baby.. we had a conversation with her about us moving & she started saying she was gonna hate to move again & we stated to her she will not be coming with us very straight forward & not rude, she has money but we are stuck paying everything she’s an alcoholic so when she gets into her fits we deal with it she has a boyfriend but it’s more like they are playing house instead of helping out with bills. (Smoke weed & drink all day together) my fiancé asked them a few weeks ago what they are going to do & they said nothing... she came in our room yesterday asking my fiancé where “we” were moving too again & showing him furniture that she wants to buy for the new place it’s like she is saying f*** what we say she is coming either way is there a better way to go about this? Cause I feel like we’ve done enough & don’t want to go through the same situation in our own house, are we being cruel to want to be in our own space? Please let me know thanks 

5 Answers

  • Merry
    Lv 7
    1 month ago
    Favourite answer

    It is quite natural for you & your fiance to want your own space without your mother-in-law particularly given you are soon to have a baby. 

    But it's also natural for your mother-in-law to be scared of what this means for her and the changes that it will bring to her relationship with her son, you & her grandchild. How long have you been living with your mother-in-law & how old is she? Is alcohol or grief impacting on her memory/ ability to accept the situation?  The longer you have been living with her the greater her sense of belonging and possibly entitlement might be... as well as her anxiety at losing that family connection.Also, given her relationship, drinking and financial situation the idea of being on her own might be something she is scared of or choosing to deny. Your fiance needs to be firm and direct with her - repeatedly & as needed. But (if possible) focus on how she can be part of your new life (eg - regular visits & time with her grandchild & her son) It's a transition - be firm and clear. eg "We love you. We are still close by and you will be able to visit but you will live here in your house - not with us" As a mother you know that your children will grow up and leave - but it always happens faster than you are ready for. Your fiance needs to spend time with his mother & be clear about the changes that are taking place - she will be sad, but she will be happy that he is happy. 

  • 1 month ago

    Tell her very strongly that you want to be on your own as you adjust to a life as a family with the baby. It will be too hard doing all that's required with her there.

  • Anonymous
    1 month ago

    You have made your intentions clear and if you have purchased a house or even rented a house ( the new one) with yours and your partner's name; Then they have no legal basis to move with you. If they do it is illegal and i believe classed squatting and if they let themselves in then its breaking and entering.

    They have no legal means to go with you; If you're having a child I would check your laws within your country. In the UK i would suspect they would be asked to leave due to the welfare of the child. The family and child act would make it a safeguarding concern.

    To be on the safe safe side i would notify them in writing or on the text where it shows they have acknowledged it that you do not wish for them to pursue living with you; Any further contact of that nature you will see as harassment.

    On the legal side of things, you will carry a lot of weight due to the welfare of your unborn child.

  • 1 month ago

    stand your ground, do not give in, remember always it is your choice and you can live with you being wrong but having to live with someone else being wrong when it was your decision is unbearable.

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  • 1 month ago

    Pray to GOD about this.  Ask GOD how you can move and not have to have her? 

    If I were in your shoes, I would not want her around my young child/children. 

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