Anonymous asked in Family & RelationshipsOther - Family & Relationships · 6 months ago

Moving abroad. Leaving mum alone. Heartbroken.?

I am 22 year old English female who loves her single parent mum. I moved away for University but I missed her and so relocated to a nearer University to live with her again. Then I met my Swedish fiancé, we spent 2 1/2 years together, but he recently moved back to Sweden. I missed him and I loved him so much and so I agreed to relocate too so we could be together again. 

My mum had a boyfriend at this time and was beginning to enjoy life as a woman again and not as a mum. I thought leaving her would be good for her because it would allow her to pursue her romance and live a little (instead of being in mum-mode). I would miss mum but knowing it was good for her and she had someone to make her happy made the choice easier. 

Now my mum is single again, no boyfriend or friends, she is retired so no job, she can't even use a computer, and she seems miserable all the time, and I feel so guilty about leaving her to go abroad. I know she will miss me, I will miss her, we are both going to be heartbroken because we are 'joined at the hip'. I feel guilt ridden about leaving my mum alone. I my conscience is tearing me apart (and also obviously the fact I will miss mum and the house)

9 Answers

  • Foofa
    Lv 7
    6 months ago

    If you're 22 your mother is both a fully grown adult and also not so ancient that she can't learn to fend for herself. So spend some time teaching her basic computer literacy skills and anything else you feel she's missing. Once she's a bit more self sufficient (never mind that she's apparently independent enough to have raised you) you can go off to Sweden without worrying so much. Just so you know...I personally think you're infantilizing Mum in your own mind and that she'll get along a lot better than you imagine. 

  • 6 months ago

    She never left you when you needed someone on your side. 

    Now she needs you more than ever. Just visualize "if she left you like on HOME ALONE movie for a few days." What you would go through.??

    The exact thing will happen to her when you leave her right now. 

  • Anonymous
    6 months ago

    Mom is a big girl. It time for you to start living your life for yourself.  She will find someone to be with.

  • Alan H
    Lv 7
    6 months ago

    It is normal to share a married home together

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  • 6 months ago

    Your mum will understand. It isn't on you to live with her at 22. She will learn to use the computer and she can start dating again.

  • 6 months ago

    I speak as a mum with 20 something year old children, 3 of them. 

    I poured myself into being a mother. I did EVERYTHING i could for them, and watched them grow. We made sure they had the best education they could (all round, academic as well as life skills & lessons) We watched each attend Uni, and granduate

    Then I watched them fly

    SO bitter sweet.........BUT as I watched them go, I KNEW everything had been for this moment, to give them the opportunity to  CHOOSE their life, not endure. 

    If I thought for one moment they held back, because of me, I would feel I had failed as a parent.  I gave them their life, to live, not to endure it and look after me.

    It isnt down to you to take the place of a partner in your mums life. Sweden is a 2.5 hrs flight. The very first thing your mum should do is take night classes, and learn how to use a computer so you can Skype etc (my gran went to college at 74 to learn so she could keep up with my children at the time) 

    Travel is cheap and easy, you can visit - lots, and so can she.

  • Anonymous
    6 months ago

    In all of this, you failed to acknowledge the fact that you deserve your own happiness. . It is not your responsibility to ensure her happiness. Only she can do that.

  • Anonymous
    6 months ago

    🥴 Ok? 

    What are you looking for? Sympathy?

    Personally, I have a strict code which is blood before outsiders. 

    So... as wonderful as you thought things would be for her, you still selfishly left for you.

    Own it. 

    Don't gravel.

  • ?
    Lv 7
    6 months ago

    Yes, of course. Never easy to chose between two people you hold dear. Either that, or convince fiancé to move back to UK or bring mum along to Sweden.

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